


Me Too.

by PAPERSK1N



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, Foster-Parents!Ramseys, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gavin is obvious, Good friend!meg, High school relationships, Light Angst, M/M, Mavin, Meg+Gavin queer bffs for the win, Mentioned turnwood, Michael is clueless, Multi, Pining, Queer Themes, Recreational Drug Use, Secrets, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Sort of? - Freeform, The Lindsay/Michael is very breif, The turnfree is also very brief, Virginity, also fluffy stuff, and Geoff is a supportive yet snarky asshole, good friend!Ray, griffon is the most bad-ass almost-mom ever, supportive friends, turnwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-16 00:10:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9265205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PAPERSK1N/pseuds/PAPERSK1N
Summary: So, here's the thing:Gavin moved to America at the age of fourteen with no friends, no family and no fucking idea if any of it was going to be worth it. Thankfully, he landed the coolest foster-parents on the planet, and actually managed to make it through his first year at RT High School with some friends by his side. His best friend, obviously, is Michael Jones- an angry little New Jersey boy with a head of curls fiercer than his temper.One tiny bump in the road, however, is that Gavin's sort-of-maybe been in love with Michael the whole time.It isn't Michael's fault he's so oblivious. As far as Michael's aware, Gavin is as straight as giant posters of lesbians in his bedroom could lead anyone to believe! Gavin doesn't have to tell him shit- not with their entire friendship at stake.Meg Turney moves to their school, Lindsay becomes their best friend, Ryan get's a girlfriend, Ray's sort-of-a-slut and Gavin ends up meeting a boy. Things change quickly, but one fact remains the same.He's in love with Michael. He's so, completely gone on that boy, whether he knows it or not.





	1. How to be really, really oblivious and really, really obvious.

Chapter One:

 

 

High School could be a scary place for any average teenager. Gavin was aware of that.

But, with him being a fresh-off-the-boat English immigrant with two very young, tattooed foster parents thrown into a bunch of classes in the middle of Freshman year with no friends, no family and no idea how anything _American_ actually worked, it was particularly challenging.

Thankfully, Gavin had always been good at making friends, so when he met Ray in that very first Geography lesson- a boy who actually bothered to make conversation with him past making fun of his accent- he latched on like a Koala bear and refused to let go. Ray didn’t seem to mind- he wasn’t exactly the most social guy but Gavin could be funny and entertaining and he liked Halo, which was the main criteria for his friendship. Gavin loved it, because through Ray, Gavin survived freshman year. And most importantly, through Ray, Gavin had met Michael.

Junior year had just begun, and as it went most Thursdays (and Wednesdays and sometimes Tuesday’s and most Sunday’s too) Michael had come over after school to play video games, Geoff had offered him dinner and he’d decided to hang around.

“Steaks fuckin’ _delicious_ Geoff.” Michael said, chewing loudly. Gavin rolled his eyes and before Geoff could even say _thank you_ , cut in with his scolding.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Michael!”

“ _Don’t torlk wiv ya mouf full, Micool!”_ was parroted back at him, followed by a barbeque smeared grin. Gavin gagged into his water and Michael laughed harshly, Geoff and Griffon joining in. Gavin pouted. “You guys are rubbish!” he huffed.

“Speaking of rubbish.” Griffon lifted her empty plate and set it atop of Geoff’s, smiling pointedly at her husband. “Your turn to clear the table, Geoffrey.”

“What?!” Geoff whined, like he did every time it was his turn to clear the table. “Isn’t that what we got the fuckin’ kid for? When you suggested moving a British twink into our house I thought it was going to be more of a personal maid-type thing.”

“You’re disgusting.” Griffon glared at him, as Geoff lifted his middle finger and waved it into Gavin’s face, before grabbing him by the hair and shaking him about. “I know.” He smiled. “But you married me so legally you have to put up with it.”

“Don’t remind me.”

Geoff then stood up, and after a few more huffs of protest, made his way into the kitchen with the dishes stacked on his arms like a waiter. This left Gavin, Michael and Griffon at the table.

“So boys,” Griffon leant forwards, smiling at the pair of them. “Any plans this weekend?”

“Besides jerking each other off, of course!” Geoff called from the kitchen. They all ignored him, but the blush on Gavin’s face was stark. Thankfully, Michael didn’t notice. He was usually quite oblivious to the effect Geoff’s constant teasing had on Gavin.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.” Michael turned to Gavin after a sip of his soda. “I talked to Lindsay the other night, and she’s totally down for this double date thing.”

Gavin stiffened. “Uh, double date thing?” he asked. “What double date thing?”

“You know,” Michael elbowed him with a grin. “Me and Lindsay. You and Barbara. She’s really hot, right?”

“Yep.” Gavin mumbled, choosing to stare at the ice cubes floating in his glass rather than Michael’s eyes. Griffon was watching him with a carefully hidden smirk, topped with just a hint of concern in her warm eyes. From his angle at the table, Gavin could see Geoff stifling his laughter in the kitchen. He cursed inwardly. How could he politely and non-suspiciously reject _that_ offer? Barbara was lovely, and one of the prettiest girls in their school. Lindsay was her best friend, and easily one of the most popular too- Michael had had his eye on her for a while. Initially, Gavin had assumed it would just be an unrequited crush from a distance. Pretending he was vaguely interested in Barbara had been one of the only things keeping Michael in the dark of his ‘situation’- but what on earth was he going to do when faced with an actual _date_?

“Gav?” Michael nudged him. Gavin realised then that he had been silent for almost a full minute and spluttered.

“Right, Barbara… uh, she’s… really lovely and all Michael but… uh, I… I’m not really-”

“Friday night?” Griffon interrupted. “Oh, sorry honey- we’ve got dinner with Jack and Caiti, right? You won’t be able to make it.” Underneath the table, she lightly kicked Gavin in the shin.

“That’s the one.” He nodded, looking back to Michael and hoping the pink on his cheeks wasn’t noticeable. Thankfully, his best friend was also usually oblivious to the way he blundered through his swarm of casual lies. Michael hadn’t even flinched, still smiling as he leant back into his chair.

“Yeah.” Geoff scoffed as he walked back into the room, hands still damp from the sink. “That’s the reason.” Gavin didn’t miss the deathly look shot at him by Griffon. Thankfully, Michael did.

“No worries boi.” He smiled. “I’m sure we can re-arrange or whatever. But anyway, I gotta go otherwise my mom will kill me.” he glanced at his watch. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course Michael.” Gavin nodded. “I’ll… see ya tomorrow.”

“You need a ride?” Geoff asked as Michael excused himself from the table and shrugged his jacket back on. He shook his head. “It’s cool, I rode my bike here. Thanks though.”

“Safe journey Michael. See you soon.” Griffon smiled. Michael said his goodbyes and walked towards the front door. It was quite an open-plan apartment Gavin had moved into with Geoff and Griffon, so they all watched from the table as their favoured Jersey-boy left the room, the smile on his face not even wavering. After the front door was shut, Geoff dissolved into childish giggles.

“Geoff!” he exclaimed, kicking his so-called foster ‘father’ under the table. If anything, Geoff was more like an annoying older brother, and Griffon parented them both.

“I’m sorry.” Geoff wiped a tear from his eye, rocking back in his seat and rubbing his chest. “It’s just… that kid is so damn oblivious.” He could barely make the words out, and had soon erupted into laughter again. Even Griffon’s lips were twitching into a smile, and Gavin shifted his glare to her.

“You too?”

“I’m sorry, honey.” She covered her mouth. “But he is very… _very_ oblivious.”

“Michael’s not _oblivious_!” Gavin protested, arms folded across his chest. “I’m just… not that _obviously_ gay.”

Geoff’s laughter somehow got even louder, his body shaking as he struggled to sit up, instead leaning forwards completely on the wooden table and cackling into his hands. Griffon tried to elbow him in the ribs to make him stop, but her attempt failed miserably.

“C’mon Gavin,” Geoff spluttered, wheezing and trying to catch his breath. “Did I or did I _not_ walk in on you forcing Ray to watch _RuPaul’s_ _Drag_ _Race_ the other night?”

“We _pay_ for the damn Netflix! May as well use it!” Gavin yelled defensively, but his denial only set Geoff off into more laughter. “Besides, Ray likes it!” he added, quieter, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Ray is also gay, sweetie.” Griffon pointed out. Gavin huffed.

“Look, regardless of… _RuPaul’s_ bloody _Drag Race_ , the less Michael know about my sexuality the better, alright?” He stood up from the table, drinking the rest of his water and heading over to the stairs. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship by him thinking that we can’t be as close as we are because I’m gay and he’s… you know.”

“Straight?” Geoff offered. Gavin looked away, but nodded. “Look kid,” Geoff lifted his head from his hands, and his smile softened. “All we’re trying to tell you is that it’s hardly a friendship when you’re keeping such a big secret from him. All your other friends know- but not Michael! What sense does that fuckin’ make? He’s your _best friend_ , he’s not going to look at you differently.”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Gavin shook his head. “Regardless of what movies and books want to tell you, things change when people know you’re gay. They immediately act different around you! And I don’t want that to happen to me and Michael.”

“We know Gav.” Griffon sighed. “But you’re going to have to tell him eventually, you know that, right?”

Gavin bit his lip, and chose not to give a reply.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The following night was a Friday, so despite his ‘parents’ solid attempt at actual, grown-up advice, Gavin put on a chipper smile and jumped on the handlebars of Michael’s bicycle, headed towards his best friend’s house. They had a simple routine that followed most Friday’s spent in the Jones’ residence: Video Games (Michael would always win), take-out food, cards (Gavin would always win), more video games, the rest of the leftover take-out food (Gavin was always prone to a midnight snack and Michael could never say no) and then, bed.

Since they’d been friends, they’d always shared a bed and there had never been anything odd about it, regardless of Gavin’s sexuality. He’d always told himself that it was completely normal for your best friend to cuddle you tightly in his sleep, and it was completely ordinary for him to struggle to get to sleep on the other days of the week when he didn’t have Michael snoring faintly beside him.

Gavin rolled over to stare at Michael in the dark, his best friend sleeping soundly. He bit his lip and reached out to stroke Michael’s hair lightly. Michael had always been a heavy sleeper, so he barely stirred, instead humming happily. Gavin couldn’t help himself. He smiled.

Deep down, he knew that Griffon was probably right and that eventually he would have to tell Michael the truth. But tonight just wasn’t that night, and he was pretty sure it wouldn’t be tomorrow, or the day after that either.


	2. How to be a really, really straight and really, really not-straight-at-all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael drags Gavin along for a double date with Lindsay and her new friend Meg. Things don't exactly go as planned for either of the boys, and back at home, Geoff has some concerns revolving around Gavin's situation.

Chapter Two:

 

 

“ _Fuck_ English dude.”

Michael was huffing, schoolwork spread out over the Ramsey kitchen table. Gavin was sat beside him for ‘moral support’ and Geoff was across the table from them both, occasionally shooting smirks in Gavin’s direction and masking them perfectly whenever Michael looked up.

It was a standard after-school hang out.

“What is it then, like a book review?” Geoff asked and Michael nodded, rolling his eyes as he made notes on a printed extract. “What’s the book about, any good?”

It was an innocent enough question. Gavin was not prepared for the answer.

“Oh, it’s super cheesy.” Michael said, not pulling his eyes from the paper as he highlighted long sections of text and made notes up the side. “It’s called _Secret Desire_ , and this girl like falls in love with her best friend but she doesn’t want to ruin their friendship so she pines over him for like, years and then gets hit by a car and right before she dies- he tells her he loves her too. It’s so fucking stupid. Like, firstly the whole dying-love-confession is cliché as fuck. Secondly, _why_ wouldn’t she just tell him instead of letting it eat away at her like that?” he laughed, harshly. “Even if the dude didn’t like her back, which he obviously fucking did, they were great friends and it wouldn’t have ruined anything anyway. So fucking dumb.”

 _Jesus Christ_. Gavin hadn’t realised he was holding his breath until Geoff kicked him under the table. Michael looked up to face him and for a second he froze, until his mouth opened and out poured an avalanche of stale, forced laughter.

“Ha-ha ha!” He ignored the bizarre looks Geoff was shooting him. _Make it convincing, Free_. He thought in his head. “Bloody ridiculous… imagine that, hey. Falling in love with your bloody… best friend of all the things.” He stuttered. “Keeping it a total secret from him for years and years until one day it just all spills out in an overflow of…emotion and relief.”

Gavin then made the mistake of looking out the corner of his eye to see Geoff, biting the inside of his cheek to stifle laughter. Under the table, he balled his hands into fists and prayed for the awkwardness to just fade away.

As usual, Michael hadn’t noticed a thing.

“Yeah dude.” He nodded innocently, looking back to his notes. “I can’t imagine ever keeping something like that to myself, right Gav?”

“HUH?” Gavin spluttered, loudly. Geoff bit his lip.

“Y’know…” Michael shrugged nonchalantly, eyes still fixed on the paper. “like you’ve never had to keep a fucking big secret like that from somebody till it just… came out, have you?”

“… not yet.” Gavin muttered. He cursed inwardly after saying it, a pained cry of _that wasn’t just in my head_ threatening to follow from his mouth before he physically covered it with his hands. Geoff’s face grew redder as the bite on his lip became stronger, and he looked like he was about to physically burst before he excused himself politely to the kitchen.

Thankfully, his blunder flew straight over Michael’s dipped head, as he finished up the rest of his school work in a comfortable silence. When he was finally done, he smiled, and Gavin felt himself instantly relax at the sight of it. For the rest of the night, they hung out like any other day- smoking cigarettes out of Gavin’s bedroom window and playing on the Xbox until eventually, Griffon called them down to dinner. The awkwardness was long gone, Gavin had to remind Geoff with a silent glare when they came down the stairs and he started giggling into his pasta.

“So this Lindsay girl, do you like her Michael?” Griffon asked politely as they all tucked into their meals. Gavin tried not to grip his fork like it was a machete, and continued eating silently as Michael smiled and nodded with the lightest blush on his cheek.

“She’s awesome.” He said. “Super like, pretty and funny and all that. Right Gavin?”

“Yup.” Gavin pushed his food around his plate, resting his head on his hand. Suddenly he didn’t feel very hungry anymore. “She’s great.”

“Actually- she was telling me earlier that she’s got some new friend. Some new girl who just got into town, her names Meg. Apparently she saw you on my _Snapchat_ story and thinks you’re really cute.” He smiled, like a proud parent and reached across to clink his glass against Gavin’s. Gavin’s stomach fell.

“Oh really?” Geoff asked. “What do you, uh, think of that Gavin?” he looked across the table at his ‘son’. Gavin resisted the urge to glare, instead turning his attention to Michael’s lovely freckled face

“Oh… uh, top!” he lied. “Can’t wait to meet her, can I?”

A strange grin came over Michael’s face, and all too late, Gavin got the sense that his best friend had been planning something behind his back. He had been texting Lindsay an awful lot throughout the day- when usually he’d forget about his phone when they hung out together, regardless of who was on it.

“Well, fucking surprise!” Michael exclaimed, dropping his fork into his empty bowl. “We’re going over to Meg’s place tonight. Lindsay texted me like… fifteen minutes ago. You in?”

It took a lot, but Gavin resisted the urge to pick up his fork and stab himself directly in the eye with it. Geoff and Griffon were silent for several seconds too long- and knowing he likely couldn’t make up a good enough excuse on his own, Gavin sighed and pushed his plate away.

“Right then.” He gulped. “Better uh… change my shirt.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

With no time to suddenly feign illness or a prior engagement, Gavin sucked it up, put on a blue shirt and slipped his feet into the American-Flag print converse Geoff had bought him for his last birthday. For once, the man in question wasn’t laughing harshly as he left the house a step or two behind Michael, he was just watching quietly from the table with a stroke of pity in his eyes as he wished them both a good night and told them to be home by one AM.

Gavin bit his lip as the front door swung shut behind him, and started off following Michael down the road. Meg apparently didn’t live far from his house, only a few streets over, so they left Michael’s bike in the driveway and chose instead to walk, the warm air of the almost-summer night ridding them of the need for jackets or much other protection. Michael had on his grey hoodie, and Gavin had on the oversized black fleecy zip-up that he had certainly “borrowed” from Michael over six months ago and never given back. They made general conversation on the walk over, Gavin pretending his heart wasn’t in his stomach at the prospect of Michael hooking up with Lindsay whilst simultaneously squashing down the nerves he felt about this _Meg_ girl, whoever she was, honestly believing she had the chance to hook up with _him_.

In Gavin’s past experiences, before he decided he was _definitely_ gay, he’d never really appealed much to girls. This “Meg” must’ve been blind, or crazy, to honestly believe he was _cute_. Silently, Gavin wondered what Michael had thought when Lindsay told him Meg was interested. Did he agree that Gavin was cute? Or was it one of those typical no-homo type situations where boys pretended they didn’t look at other boys and decide whether they thought they were attractive or not. He couldn’t be sure.

Meg’s house was nice. It looked pretty similar to Gavin’s own, what with it more or less being in the same neighbourhood. Lindsay answered the door with a beer in her hand and her red hair fanned across the shoulders of her grey hoodie. Surprisingly enough, she and Michael were matching- which they both found _hilarious_ , laughing and joking together as they made their way inside and Lindsay cracked him open a brew. Gavin resisted the urge to roll his eyes at how _great_ the two of them seemed to be getting on. It wasn’t that he didn’t _like_ Lindsay- she was a nice enough girl, and he could see why Michael was interested in her. Lindsay was pretty and funny and kind, and most of all- _female_. That was a pretty important factor.

“Gavin, this is Meg!” She said, pausing her conversation with Michael as a short girl with bright purple hair came down the stairs, smiling widely at him with brown eyes sparkling behind purple glasses. Gavin’s first reaction was to frown- because Meg was _hot_. He didn’t understand that at all- she was very pretty in all the ways that girls could _be_ , with a petite curvy body and a wide smile and nice enough boobs. Personally, she wasn’t making him switch sides, but Gavin was old enough and educated enough to know that Meg was just the kind of girl a _normal_ guy would be looking for. He even caught Michael’s eyes widening a fraction as they fell on her, looking her up and down briefly before turning back to Gavin to gage his reaction.

Gripping his hand into a small fist inside his hoodie, Gavin forced himself to smile.

“Nice to meet you Meg, I’m Gavin. This is Michael.”

“Cool to meet you both,” she grinned, before holding up a plastic box he hadn’t noticed she had with her, in favour of studying her face and body. “Mario Party cool for you?”

Michael’s mouth split into a grin. “A girl after Gavin’s own heart.” He winked at his best friend. “We fuckin’ love Mario Party, don’t we Gav?”

Gavin swallowed thickly around the beer that Lindsay handed him. “Mhm.” He nodded. “Love it.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Even though he never imagined it to be possible when he walked in, Gavin found himself having _fun_ with Meg and Michael and Lindsay. For some reason, the four of them meshed perfectly well- and Mario Party was the perfect game for them. Michael and Meg had the same competitive streak and were prone to rage-filled outbursts, Lindsay was impossibly _unlucky_ (which drove Michael up the wall) and Gavin was easily the most conniving- even though most of his attempts to scoot around the other players were foiled fairly easily. They played a bunch of short party modes, slipping into teams (Michael had abstained from Team Nice Dynamite, instead suggesting that they go _“couples”_ which made the hairs on Gavin’s neck stand up when Meg shifted closer to him on the couch) and went through a crate of beers between them. With Meg’s parents away for the night for their apparent anniversary, they were free to yell and scream and laugh loudly without interruptions. Gavin tried to ignore Michael’s hand on Lindsay’s knee and pretended that Meg wasn’t growing closer to him with every turn, and once these offending factors blended into the background, he actually realised that he was having a good time.

“Yo, I’m pretty sure I have Mario Party four upstairs. I can go get it if you guys wanna play?” Meg asked, and when Michael and Lindsay nodded eagerly, she stood from the couch before turning her back to them and faced Gavin. She didn’t say anything, but the look on her face made it seem like she was waiting for something. Gavin frowned, and looked back at the screen in panic. He didn’t know what Meg wanted- he didn’t know what _girls_ in general ever wanted, and the way every eye in the room was trained on him was starting to make him feel uncomfortable.

“Hey, Gavin?!” Michael’s abrasive voice cut through the jingling music of the Mario party theme tune. “Why don’t you go help Meg look for the game?” he said, but by the way his teeth were slightly gritted and his arm was rested on the back of the sofa behind Lindsay’s shoulders, Gavin managed to get the picture. “Right.” He said, standing up awkwardly as Meg reached her hand out and he took it. “I’ll…erm… I’ll come with.”

Meg was leading him away, Michael and Lindsay grinning and flashing their thumbs up at him as his cheeks reddened with an uncomfortable blush. Gavin resisted the urge to curse under his breath as he tried to pay attention to whatever it was Meg was saying, but all he really wanted to do was run back downstairs and throw himself between Michael and Lindsay.

What did Meg even _need_ him for anyway? He was pretty sure she could look for the game by herself, plus he’d seen a whole case of Super Nintendo games downstairs by the television! What could she possibly want, leading him upstairs by the hand to-

Gavin swallowed thickly as Meg closed the door behind them, before turning and smiling at him. “…and this is my bedroom.” She finished whatever it was she’d been saying before, releasing his hand and holding her own behind her back. “Like it?”

“Uh, sure.” Gavin blushed, suddenly feeling all too hot in his black fleece. Meg must’ve noticed, because she walked up to him, making sure he could feel the heat from her own chest as she reached forwards and pulled the zipper of his jacket down. “You must be hot, sorry- we haven’t figured out the AC yet, this floor is _sweltering_. Take your jacket off.” Her eyes sparkled, and Gavin resisted the urge to press himself up against the door until she took another step forwards and he had no choice, jumping back.

Meg frowned, and Gavin swore under his breath.

“Wait…” she took a step back from him, curiously touching her chin. “Is something wrong?”

Gavin bit his lip, and unsure of what else to say, he tilted his head to the side and said. “Well. You could say that.”

A few excruciating, awkward seconds passed before Meg dropped her hands back to her sides and her thoughtful little frown shifted into a tiny, knowing smile. Gavin felt his heart speed up involuntarily- because Meg was looking at him like she’d just figured out the fucking Da Vinci Code.

“You’re gay.” She said. Gavin froze in shock, but silently nodded, his head bumping against the door.

“Gav! You should’ve said!” Thankfully she only smiled, before stepping forwards again and pulling him into a gentle hug. “I mean, like I’m guessing you’re not out?” she asked. Gavin shook his head, again silently, because words were evading him. He followed Meg to sit down on her bed, and still, couldn’t speak. It was almost like he _was_ in shock- because someone he didn’t even know knew he was gay and the world hadn’t ended. The earth hadn’t stopped turning. Nobody had burst into flames.

It actually felt quite relieving.

“Dude, that sucks.” She patted his shoulder. “I remember that. I was in the closet for a while too.”

“Wait, _what?!_ ” Gavin spluttered, finally able to control his lips and shift them into anything other than a dumb, relieved smile. “You’re _gay_?”

Meg rolled her eyes. “I’m bi, dumbass. There’s more to life than being straight or gay you know.”

“Sorry!” Gavin stiffened, immediately feeling guilty. “I didn’t mean- I know… I know bisexuality is very, uh, valid and-”

“-Gav, relax.” She laughed gently, prodding him gently in the chest with her finger. “I’m just fucking with you. You’re just all flustered and shit cause you literally came out to me. Couldn’t resist.”

“Oh.” Gavin did as he was told, and let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, instantly feeling better. “I guess you’re right. I just came out to _you_ \- a _total_ stranger. Ha! Brilliant.” Gavin couldn’t help himself. A wide grin spread right across his face, and the warmth in his chest only grew when he noticed that Meg was returning it. Gavin decided then that he quite liked this Meg Turney girl- the bisexual Mario player with purple hair and glasses.

“Do your parents know?” she asked. Gavin nodded.

“Yeah, just them though. And Ray, our other friend. Most of our friends actually, just… Michael… he doesn’t…” Gavin trailed off, looking away from Meg’s pleading brown eyes and off into the corner of the room. It was annoying, how one look from the girl had him wanting to spill all his secrets.

“He doesn’t what?” Meg asked softly. “He’s not like… _homophobic_ is he? Cause I’ll kick his ass out if he-”

“-No, no way!” Gavin exclaimed, leaping to Michael’s defence. “Never! Michael’s never been homophobic, no way. I just… haven’t figured out how to tell him is all. I guess I don’t really…” sighing, Gavin reached up and scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship. That’s it.”

Meg rolled her eyes.  “Gav- gay guys and straight guys can just be friends you know. It’s only awkward if the gay guy has like, a crush on the straight guy and- oh my _god_ you’re in love with Michael? Jesus!”

“How do you keep doing that?!” Gavin exclaimed, leaping at least a foot and a half in the air, off the bed until he was standing. Heat rushed from every surface of his body before burning into his cheeks. It had been a while since he’d heard those words out loud from anyone other than Geoff, Griffon or Ray. Hearing Meg- a girl who he hadn’t even known existed twenty-four hours ago- say it out loud… that made it real.

“Sorry, I’m a good reader of people.” Meg shrugged, standing up with him. “Look, if you’re in love with Michael that sucks and I’m sorry but- he is your best friend. You two seem really close and I’m sure he wouldn’t… just fucking cut you off if he knew.”

“No, no,” Gavin shook his head, crossing his arms. “No _way_. Absolutely no way. Michael _can’t_ know, like, _at all_. Meg- you have to promise me you won’t say anything-”

“-I’m not gonna fucking out you to your best friend, Gav.” She huffed, folding her arms and mimicking his pose. “But you do realise you’re gonna have to tell him eventually?”

“ _Eventually_.” Gavin repeated. “Sure! Just not… anytime in the foreseeable future. Okay? Can we go play Mario Party now?”

Meg’s arms remained crossed, but her face folded into a smile. “Sure thing, bud.” She said. “I’m glad we had this talk. I think maybe we could be really good friends, if you want.”

Gavin’s smile was not even close to forced that time, as he approached Meg’s bedroom door. “Of course we can!” he said. “Now you know my deepest darkest secret, I’d be bloody stupid not to keep you around!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

They played Mario Kart until around eleven, when surprisingly, Michael was the one to stand up and suggest that he and Gavin start walking back, as they had promised Geoff and Griffon they wouldn’t be home too late. Gavin hugged both the girl’s goodbye, but his embrace with Meg felt tighter, and when she kissed him on the cheek and Michael wolf-whistled, Gavin resisted the urge to grin. Meg winked at him, and Gavin settled for a smile.

He and Michael took the long walk home, strolling casually through the dark streets, side by side. For a few blissful seconds, Gavin had forgotten all about Michael and Lindsay. However, he was painfully reminded of the real intentions of the evening when Michael turned to him and smirked.

“So,” he asked. “Did you make it with Meg?”

“Uh, yep.” Gavin blurted out before he had the chance to stop himself. “Hm Definitely.” _I’m a moron_ “What about… you and Lindsay?”

Michael shrugged, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I don’t know. We kissed a little when you and Meg went upstairs but… it felt kinda weird, like kissing my sister or something. I think we’re probably better off as friends, which is cool. Plus- you got some action so it was worth it, right?” he grinned. Gavin swallowed thickly.

“Uh, well… I was… lying actually.” He admitted. “I didn’t get anywhere with Meg really, I just said that because I thought you did with Lindsay. We kissed but uh… she isn’t really my type I guess.”

“Damn.” Michael raised his eyebrows. “When she kissed you on the cheek me and Lindsay were sure you fucking banged or something.”

“Nah.” Gavin shook his head. “Turney’s not like that. She’s a nice girl, actually. Just not my type, like I said.”

They slowed to a stop as Gavin’s house came into view, and a small laugh tumbled from Michael’s mouth. “What?” Gavin asked. “What’s funny?”

“Nothing.” Michael shrugged. “I just… guess we’re never gonna get girlfriends, huh?”

Gavin couldn’t help himself. He smirked. “I’ll certainly never get one.”

“You know, things would be so much easier if I could just find a girl exactly like… _this_ , you know?” Michael said, nudging Gavin with his shoulder. “Like a best friend who just wants to… play video games and eat pizza and all the other dumb guy stuff we do.”

Gavin felt his face burning. “Yup.” He mumbled, awkwardly. “Or just be gay.”

Michael froze, and Gavin felt his heart pause. _Fuck_ he thought. _Nice one, Free_. _Real fucking subtle there-_

“Hm. Or that. Guess I never really thought about it that way.” Thankfully, Michael hadn’t suspected a thing. He didn’t say anything else, just walked up the drive with Gavin not too far behind, crouching to the floor to pick up the spare key from under the mat.

“Yup.” Gavin mumbled. “Me either.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Unsurprisingly, Geoff was still awake when the two crept in.

“Oh, hey Geoff.” Michael said, unzipping his hoodie and hanging it on the banister of the stairs. Geoff waved at the two of them, but said nothing, instead staring at the TV. “I’m gonna get a glass of water, do you want anything?” Gavin asked Michael, who shook his head and tiptoed up the stairs quietly. Gavin left his (Michael’s) jacket on the stairs and poured himself a glass of water from the kitchen. He was quite looking forward to slipping into bed beside his best friend, but as usual, Geoff had other ideas.

“Hey, c’mere.” He called, just as Gavin had taken his first step up. Rolling his eyes and leaving the water behind on the steps, Gavin turned and approached the couch where Geoff was sat. For once, his foster-dad didn’t look like he was there to poke fun. Geoff looked deathly serious, and Gavin began to rack his brains, wondering what he could’ve done wrong in the past twenty-four hours that had Geoff pointing the remote at the TV and muting it so he and Gavin could be alone in the silence.

“Are you ever going to be honest with that kid, Gavin?” Geoff asked, gesturing upstairs where Michael was surely laid. “He’s your best friend, for God’s sake.”

Gavin sighed, gaze lingering on the stairs for a few extra seconds. “I want to Geoff- really, I do.” He said quietly. “I just… I can’t bear the thought of losing him. It’s like you said- He’s my best friend, for God’s sake.”

Geoff didn’t have much to say after that, so with a sigh he turned back to the TV and kept his mouth shut. Gavin picked his water up off the stairs and crept up to bed, where Michael was already snoring softly. He left the water on the nightstand and slipped in beside Michael laying against his chest. Even in his sleep, Michael didn’t hesitate- he lifted his arm and wrapped it around Gavin’s narrow shoulders, squeezing him gently so that they could lay together.

 

 


	3. How to be a really, really bad liar and really, really guilty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin has a severe case of foot-in-mouth syndrome, and Ray has someone to introduce him to.

 

 

The next few weeks at school were fairly uneventful. Gavin had done his best to put Geoff’s warning words in the back of his mind and was actually able to enjoy the time he spent with Michael again. Things had gotten even better, because Lindsay and Meg had now become part of their every-day group, along with the usuals- Ray and Ryan.

Without the previous complications of Michael’s crush on Lindsay, lunchtimes felt relaxing again. Gavin didn’t flinch when Lindsay and Michael teasingly called each other _bitch_ or _asshole_ , and didn’t bat an eye when Michael would sling an arm around her or she would ruffle his hair. Now that all romantic aspects of their relationship had faded, he didn’t feel so awkward in Lindsay’s presence. Gavin was just starting to learn that actually, Lindsay was fucking _cool_.

Meg too made a perfect addition to their group, giving it the long awaited _feminine touch_. Gavin supposed that Lindsay had never really counted as _The Girl-_ as she was way more boyish than the rest of them. Meg was all soft smiles and pretty hair and flowing skirts. It didn’t mean she couldn’t play just as roughly as the rest of them did, or curse each and every one of them out without batting an eye, obviously- it just meant that she did all of these things whilst wearing crop tops and pink lipstick. Gavin liked her- the rest of the group _adored_ her. She got on with Ryan exceptionally well, the two quickly forming a quick-fire back and forth. Her and Ray bonded over stupid internet humour, and Michael- well, Gavin had noticed that Michael was quite taken with her.

It started gradually. Little looks at Meg across the table with an interested sort of smirk. Whenever someone caught him staring, he’d turn and look at Gavin instead as cover. All the anxieties that Gavin had previously been feeling, fretting over Lindsay and Michael and the chance at them becoming an item were slowly beginning to shift. Gavin was torn, because he and Meg had become fast friends- but the idea of her and Michael made his stomach turn.

Michael was doing a stellar job at thinking nobody had noticed his change in behaviour, and casually stopped Gavin one day by their lockers to question him.

“Hey,” he said. “What do you think of Meg?”

Gavin swallowed. “Top girl.” He replied, truthfully. “She’s a good mate, to all of us.”

“Pretty too, huh?” Michael leant against the locker, not looking at Gavin, but past him, as if he was picturing her right then. Gavin bit his lip and looked down at his shoes. “Uh, sure. I guess you could say that.”

“Hey, I know you and her sort of had that thing but… you said yourself you see her as more of a friend. Would you like… be cool if I maybe… I don’t know, asked her out? I’ve just been thinking about it, I dunno... I wouldn’t do it if it pissed you off but… I don’t know. What do you think?”

Gavin felt his heart sink into his stomach, and he bit his lip harder, faced with the real-life dilemma of what to reply as his friend awkwardly tucked a hand into his jeans and refused to meet his eye, embarrassed. On one hand, Michael and Meg were his friends and he wanted them to be happy, regardless of his stupid feelings. But on the other hand, the thought of seeing them every day- flirting and kissing and holding hands was enough to make him want to turn heel and run away.

 _Besides_ , he thought. _Not like Meg’s shown any interest in him yet._

“I don’t know.” Gavin shrugged, hoping he sounded casual. “Wouldn’t bother me but…don’t really think I could see you two together.”

“Really?” Michael frowned. “Why’s that?”

“Just don’t think you’re her type, Michael.”

“Why not?”

That faced Gavin with another puzzling dilemma. He couldn’t lie and say that Meg didn’t particularly _like_ Michael, as that wouldn’t be fair and would cause all sorts of unnecessary strain on their friendship group dynamic. Michael was a pretty upfront kind of guy, so Gavin could imagine him walking up to Meg and demanding to know what she found so repelling about him- no, Gavin would have to come up with something better.

Racking his brain, he thought back to what Meg had told him about herself the first night they met. Even though they’d talked for a while, it had mostly been about him and his undying love for Michael, so that couldn’t work. There was also the fact that Meg had told him she was openly bisexual- but how was that going to help?

“She’s with Lindsay.” Gavin blurted out before he had the chance to let his brain catch up with his mouth. “Her and Lindsay. They’re a thing.”

Michael leant up off the lockers, eyebrows skyrocketing in shock. “What- for real?”

“Yup. I- uh… I wasn’t supposed to tell anybody. It’s a secret. Sorry.”

“No, it’s cool.” Michael shook his head. “I just can’t believe it. I mean… I knew Meg was bi- but Lindsay? She never told me that. I would’ve thought… you know, cause we’re such good friends that she would’ve told me she liked girls. I mean… I don’t judge, nothing would fucking change. That’s _crazy_.”

The guilt started in his kneecaps, which became wobbly as Michael went on and they walked to class together. Gavin’s whole body went stiff at the feeling, as the guilt rose up through his stomach, making him feel queasy before finally settling as a blinding pressure on his chest. _Fuck_ he thought. _I’ve really bollocksed this one_.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After school, the first thing Gavin did was pull out his cell phone and dial Meg’s number. Thankfully, Michael had ridden his bike in so Gavin declined his offer of an unstable ride on the handlebars and lied, saying Geoff was coming to pick him up. The walk home alone would give him plenty of time to explain himself.

“ _Gavin, what’s up?_ ”

“Meg!” Gavin cursed at how panicked he sounded on the phone. “Look, I’m gonna tell you something and you’ve got to promise not to hate me.”

“ _Gavin, what the fuck? What have you done?_ ”

“Look- I sort of… may have told Michael that you and Lindsay are going out.”

“ _What the fuck Gavin?!_ ” she yelled. “ _Why would you say that?_ ”

“He was talking about asking you out!” Gavin yelled back. “I panicked, I’m sorry. Look, just get Lindsay on board, and if Michael asks her, tell her to say yes! He’s pretty minged off that she hasn’t come out to him- but we can work over all that, right?”

“ _No! We can’t!_ ” Thankfully, now, Meg was laughing. “ _You need to come clean to him Gavin, about everything. Holding it all in is making you fucking insane_.”

“You know I can’t do that.” Gavin gritted his teeth. “You _know_ I can’t. Not until I get over this bloody pathetic crush.”

“ _Gavin, baby._ ” She laughed again, but it was softer this time. “ _I know. But, in the meantime I just don’t have the time to be gay with Lindsay-_ ”

“-Just for a few weeks, pretty please?” Gavin pleaded. “Then we can organise a breakup and Lindsay can tell Michael she isn’t gay anymore. Teenage experimenting and all that, you know how it is!”

“ _Teenage experimenting? Could you think of anything more cliché?_ ” she asked incredulously. “ _Besides, if you’d’ve let me finish, I’d have told you by now that I can’t be gay with Lindsay because I’m too busy hooking up with Ryan.”_

Gavin stopped walking abruptly, stood completely still in the middle of the street. _Turney and fucking Ryan_ … _?_ he thought. _How didn’t I see any of that coming_? He supposed the two had grown quite close over the weeks, but in his oblivion, he’d assumed it was more of a brotherly-sisterly thing. Like annoying siblings who bicker and mimic each other and rest their legs in each other’s laps and stroke each other’s shoulders and- oh, _well_. Maybe he had noticed it coming. Maybe he was far too busy fretting over Michael’s new-found crush to put the real puzzle pieces together.

“Bloody- hooking up with Ryan!” he spluttered. “That’s so _random_!”

“ _We’ve already been on a date, kissed and everything!_ ” Meg gushed, and Gavin was almost taken aback at how excited she sounded. “ _He’s a real gentleman, actually. Didn’t even try and feel me up or make out with me in the backseat of his car- no matter how much I wanted him to._ ”

“You’re all class, love.” Gavin snorted. He could imagine Meg rolling her eyes. If anything, he was actually quite relieved at the news. Meg hooking up with Ryan meant that she certainly wasn’t interested in Michael, so throwing his best friend off the trail had been a blessing in disguise. At least now, Michael wouldn’t have to face the awkward rejection and added don’t-touch-my-girl speech from Ryan. Also, Gavin didn’t feel quite as guilty as he had done originally.

“ _You know it, baby._ ” Meg replied. “ _Look, I’ve gotta go anyway ‘cause I said I’d skype Ryan whilst we play Dead By Daylight- so fucking call Michael and tell him Lindsay isn’t gay, and that I’m fucking Ryan. Okay?_ ”

Gavin huffed. “Fine. He’s probably going to think I’m a bloody lunatic now, thanks for nothing Turney.”

“ _Honey, I think he already knew that_.” Meg replied. “ _Now beat it. I’ll see you tomorrow_.”

“Bye.” Gavin ended the call, and immediately dialled Michael’s number before his brain had the time to do anymore thinking. All of his _thinking_ had gotten him into enough trouble already today, so he knew that he would probably be far better off just _winging_ it.

Michael answered immediately, and Gavin continued walking, rounding the corner towards his house. He lingered in the drive however, knowing that if Geoff heard him on the phone then another lecture would be incoming regarding him coming clean and coming out. Like _that_ was happening anytime soon.

“ _Hey Gav.”_ Michael sounded chipper as ever. “ _What’s up?_ ”

“I was wrong.” Gavin didn’t bother beating around the bush. “About Lindsay. She’s not gay or- bi, or whatever. Her and Meg aren’t a thing, it’s _Ryan_ Meg’s hooking up with.”

“ _What? How did it go from Lindsay to Ryan?_ ”

“I don’t know,” Gavin replied, remaining as truthful as possible as not to overcomplicate things, again, as lying hadn’t exactly been successful so far. “I think I just got my wires crossed. Her and Ryan are dating so, don’t think you can really go there.”

“ _Right… that’s pretty fucking crossed though, Gavin. Like… I know you can be an idiot sometimes but that’s one hell of a mix-up_.”

“Oi! Leave me alone.” Gavin grinned to himself, and hoped that a few blocks away, Michael was doing the same. “Never mind _how_. I was wrong, that’s all.”

“ _Okay._ ” Michael said simply. It never failed to amaze Gavin how much genuine trust Michael had in him. He never suspected a thing when Gavin tripped over his words or stacked lie on lie to avoid a question or an outing. He believed in Gavin, one hundred percent.

That only made the guilt stronger, however, when Gavin looked him in the eyes every day and pretended that he wasn’t completely fallen.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 “Gavin, this is Dylan.”

Gavin bit his lip, trying his best to look like he wasn’t nervous. However, the truth of it was that from the moment yesterday afternoon when Ray had mentioned his buddy Dylan, who was one grade ahead of them, wanted to meet him, his heart had been racing. Gavin knew who Dylan was- he was a fairly attractive senior boy, involved in the drama department with Ryan. He vaguely remembered a time when Dylan and Ryan were good friends- but they’d fallen out over something silly and didn’t talk anymore. Gavin certainly had never met him before.

Ray’s idea behind introducing the two was to help Gavin out with his new plan of getting over Michael. Geoff’s warning words had sat heavily on his shoulders for weeks along with the guilt that was building over the continuous lies he gave to Michael’s face about the nature of their friendship and his interest in random passing girls. It was starting to grow out of hand- more than just a childish crush on a good friend. It was becoming an infatuation.

It was starting to feel like _love_.

So, Gavin agreed to meet Dylan- who apparently had seen him around school and thought he was _cute_. Gavin turned to face the boy, who was a head or so taller than he, with wavy dark brown hair and pretty green eyes. Dylan smiled, and the lines of his cheekbones creased into enviable dimples. They weren’t as cute as Michael’s little round indents, but, Gavin had to admit, they were very appealing.

“Hi… uh, Dylan.” He squeaked, hoping he didn’t look too pathetic and his cheeks weren’t red. “I’m Gav.”

“Cool to meet you Gavin.” Dylan shrugged his backpack over his shoulder, still smiling as he looked Gavin straight in the eyes. Dylan didn’t seem nervous at all. Behind him, Ray was smirking. “I was just talking to Ray the other day and he said I should come over and talk to you instead of being creepy and watching you in the halls.”

“What, me?” Gavin blushed. “That’s… unexpected!”

“Why?” Dylan laughed, rich and bubbly. “You’re pretty cute. I bet people stare at you all the time, you probably just don’t notice.”

“Guys _stop_ \- you’re giving me a hard-on!” Ray teased, poking his tongue out as Gavin furiously flipped him off. “I’ll catch you later, Dyl.” He grinned, slinking away backwards with a wink in Gavin’s direction. Gavin did his best to ignore his friend’s childish behaviour, and focused back on Dylan. “So, I was wondering if I could maybe get your number?” he asked

Gavin fumbled for his phone in his pocket, handing it over. “Sure!” he said. “I don’t know it by heart or anything- this is a new phone, but, if you put yours in I can text you.”

“Cool.” Dylan replied, giving him that _smile_ again. Gavin felt his insides tingle in a way they only usually did when Michael was around, and it was refreshing to know that other people really could give him that feeling. “I’ll definitely call you back.”

“Cool.” Gavin breathed, the school bell cutting their conversation short as students began swarming the corridors. “I’ll, uh, catch you later?” he asked, gathering his books from his locker and backing away, bumping into more than one person as he did. Thankfully, Dylan hadn’t stopped smiling, giving back a wave and then motioning with his hand to make a phone-gesture, waving it at his ear. Gavin nodded possibly a little too enthusiastically, before turning and actually making his way to class, biting his bottom lip hard to keep his face from splitting into the widest possible grin.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_From: Dylan_

_Friday sound okay? I can pick you up in my car and we can go catch that movie you were talking about, if you want? xx_

 

Gavin bit his lip. It was a Tuesday night, one of the rare days he didn’t spend with Michael. Over the last week or so, he’d been texting Dylan almost every night- and Michael had noticed, along with Geoff and Griffon who constantly wore shit-eating grins and shared excited looks every time Gavin so much as glanced at his phone. It was embarrassing, but endearing, because this was his first ever boyfriend and he knew it was a big deal for them to show how supportive they could be.

Gavin couldn’t help it. He _liked_ Dylan, which was a surprise even to himself. When Michael glared at his phone and asked who was constantly texting him, butterflies swirled in his stomach because every time the phone buzzed, he was reminded of Dylan’s strong jaw and his soft hair and his killer smile. Still, he couldn’t share any of those details with Michael- so he lied and said it was his _lab partner_ , Barbara.

He’d been doing a lot of that. Lying to Michael. It was starting to become a bad habit, but Gavin found once he started he couldn’t stop. Little white lies were slowly knitting together in the web he had created for himself by pretending to be straight. Dylan was quickly becoming a major edition.

The infamous question of their first date had been on the horizon. Gavin had been speaking to Dylan non-stop for two weeks and Ray was constantly reminding him how _cute_ Dylan had said he was and how interested he was in _getting-to-know_ Gavin better. Gavin was excited, because he’d never had a cute boy like Dylan be interested in him before. He hadn’t done anything more than _kiss_ another boy- and that was only once at camp when he decided that he was definitely not straight. The kiss hadn’t even been particularly _good_ , but it was certainly a lot less awkward than he had felt kissing girls.

Gavin wondered what it would be like to kiss Dylan. His thumb hovered over the Y.

On one hand, Friday nights were him-and-Michael nights, reserved for take-out food and video games. On the other hand- Dylan wanted to take him out. Dylan wanted to go on a _date_.

Gavin wondered what Geoff would say. His foster-father had always been an advocate in _doing what makes you happy_ , and even though he adored the nights spent with Michael when they talked about anything and everything and played Halo until three in the morning- Dylan had been making him happy for two weeks. Maybe, Dylan could continue to make him feel happy, and the obsession with Michael could finally cease to exist.

 

_To: Dylan_

_Sounds awesome. Seven good for you? X_

 

His excuse to Michael was that he had to study for a big test he was taking on Monday. His best friend hadn’t appeared at all suspicious when he’d mentioned it, the two strolling through the halls as they headed to their next classes, but that didn’t stop the hair on the back of Gavin’s neck from pricking up and sweat to break out on his brow. He was doing it again. Lying to Michael.

“It’s cool Gav.” Michael had smiled. “Good luck with your test. I’ll call you, maybe help with a little studying if you need it.”

Gavin’s heart clenched. What on earth had he done in his past life that was so awful he had to live with a friend as good as Michael. Michael, who believed everything he said without question and always had his best interests at heart.

Michael, who he spent most of his time lying to and avoiding. Michael- who he was trying so hard not to be in love with.


	4. How to be really, really honest and really, really not honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin had to face the truth sooner or later. Or well, at least part of the truth.

Chapter Four – How to be really, really honest and really, really not honest

 

 

Two weeks passed, and suddenly, Gavin was seeing a hell of a lot more of Dylan and hardly any of Michael. The lying was getting out of hand- every day was _another_ test to study for, more homework to do, _family_ commitments, going to ‘Meg’s place’, going to ‘Ray’s’. In reality, he was spending all of his time with Dylan- cute dates to diners after school along with the arcade or the movie theatre, driving around the neighbourhood in Dylan’s car when the sun finally set, making out in the backseat on the edge of quiet streets.

Gavin was having the time of his _life_. Although he and Dylan weren’t “official”, or anything, he was pretty sure this is what it felt like to be in a _real_ relationship. However, Gavin was also pretty sure that being in a _real relationship_ didn’t involve lying continuously to your best friend.

Although usually Michael believed him without question, Gavin had avoided him consecutively every day of the last two weeks. Every offer of a hangout had been hastily turned down, because Gavin knew that if he wasn’t seeing Dylan after school, the older boy would be texting or calling him and Michael would only ask who it was. He could only lie and say Barbara so many times before Michael would grow fed up and snatch his phone. Gavin didn’t want Michael to find out about his lack of straight-ness through an overheard phone call or a glanced text.

For advice, Gavin knew he had options. Ryan would probably tell him he was an idiot, and Meg would probably have the same mantra, just with a little more softness around the edges. No, his friends couldn’t really help. They had all been giving him the same advice for weeks- he just hadn’t been listening.

The last text from Michael on his phone, _Have I done something wrong?_ That had gone unanswered had been the last straw for Gavin. The guilt was eating away at him- because now, Michael wasn’t just irate. He was _worried_. So instead of crying to Meg or begging Ray for something other than a scoff and a mutter of _moron_ , Gavin was sitting at the dinner table pushing his pasta around the bowl and jiggling his leg restlessly as Griffon and Geoff watched with matching concerned expressions.

“Gavin.” Griffon eventually said, catching a glass of water just as Gavin knocked it over with his frantic movements. “What’s going on. Your restless and you haven’t touched your food. Is there something you wanna talk about?”

Gavin swallowed, awkwardly. “Well… yeah, I guess.” He admitted. “Some advice, actually would be top.”

“Anything, kid.” Geoff sipped his whiskey. “Shoot.”

“Right.” Gavin breathed, his knuckled going white as he gripped the edge of the table tightly and leant backwards. “So, I’m still seeing Dylan and Michael… he still doesn’t know. But I keep cancelling out hang-outs to see Dylan and now Michael’s worried he’s done something wrong and thinks that I’m avoiding him.”

“Sounds like you are avoiding him.” Geoff scoffed. “And lying to him. Still.”

“I know.” Gavin groaned, leaning forwards and bumping his head on the table gently. “I’m an awful friend. I know. I just don’t know what to do- why is this all so hard?”

“Life sucks.” Griffon said softly, a smile playing on her lips as she reached over and stroked Gavin’s hair gently. “It can be pretty shitty- but I promise you, Gavin… you’ll feel so much better if you just be honest with Michael. The world won’t end if Michael knows your gay- and it’s not fair on Dylan if you have to keep the relationship a big secret.”

Gavin sat up, and a slight pout made its way to his lip. He felt stupid. He felt guilty.

He hadn’t even considered Dylan’s feelings in all this.

“There’s a party this weekend.” He said with a sigh. “At Lindsay’s. Dylan will be there so… I should probably tell Michael then, shouldn’t I?”

“I think that would be best.” Griffon nodded. Geoff, who had been uncharacteristically quiet during the whole affair, just hummed and nodded his head gently. Gavin huffed, and pushed his bowl away from him.

“Right then.” He said, the nerves swirling inside his stomach. “I guess I better start thinking of what to say.”

 

* * *

 

 

Gavin had to be honest with himself. Although Griffon’s advice paired with Geoff’s vaguely agreeing grunts had made things a little clearer, he still felt lost. The weekend crept closer and closer, and he still hadn’t figured out what the fuck he was supposed to tell Michael. Everyone else in their friendship group were much too busy buzzing with excitement over the prospect of their first real party together, talking animatedly about how drunk or high they wanted to get or how many people they wanted to make out with. Ray had proudly puffed his chest out and said he wanted to smoke a whole ounce of weed to himself and make out with six people. Gavin had panicked and said one, leading to some very suspicious side eye from Michael.

 _Michael_. Gavin had done his best to stop avoiding his best friend, which was a little easier now that Michael had stopped asking to hang out. Gavin still felt guilty, but he was still out seeing Dylan every other day of the week. He’d assured Michael as best as he could over text that he hadn’t done anything wrong and everything was okay, but his best friend had hardly perked up. The others had started to grow concerned, and Gavin couldn’t count the amount of times he’d had to keep his lip buttoned during _what’s-up-with-Michael_ discussions at lunch on days Michael didn’t show.

It sucked, because now he wasn’t just lying to Michael. He was lying to the others too, without even saying a word.

Saturday rolled around far too quickly for Gavin’s liking, Michael pulling up outside the Ramsey residence in his mom’s car with the adorable grey beanie on that made Gavin’s heart skip. He felt more nervous than he ever did when Dylan came to pick him up- and suddenly everything about his outfit, blue jeans, button up grey shirt, gold aviator sunglasses, converse, felt ridiculous.

Thankfully, Michael smiled when he walked through the front door. He complimented Gavin on his glasses, whilst simultaneously calling him a rich asshole. Gavin exhaled. Things were, at least in front of Geoff and Griffon, normal again.

They didn’t talk much on the drive over, but thankfully Lindsay’s house was only a few blocks away. Michael had a crate of twenty beers clanking in the backseat of his car, so Gavin focused on the noise rather than the tension, and thankfully within less than ten minutes they had arrived.

“Here Gav, help me with this.” Michael nodded to the crate. “And don’t even think about dropping it, otherwise you’ll be sipping it up off the floor.”

“Michael! I would never!”

“I’ll never forget when you smashed that half-litre of vodka right on Joel Heyman’s doorstep. His doormat stank of liquor for weeks. He had to buy his parents a new one, fucking idiot.”

Gavin smiled. Within minutes, it felt as if he and Michael were _back_. They were grinning at each other as Lindsay opened the door, smiling after looking between them briefly. “Glad to see you both looking like such weak bitches with that crate.” She teased. “Come on in. Not that many people are here yet.”

Gavin wandered into Lindsay’s house, free of the burden of the crate once Ryan had spotted them and hauled the whole thing onto his shoulder without so much as a grunt. Michael cracked one open as soon as they were set on the table, wandering outside to chat to Meg. Gavin lingered by the table, eyes fixated on Ray pre-rolling a joint with a nimble accuracy in white strawberry-decorated paper.

“Hey Gav.” He mumbled, licking his fingers briefly and shifting the paper around between them. “Where’s Dyl?”

Gavin felt his stomach drop. _Dylan. Shit. I’d forgotten about him_. He thought.

“He’s… uh, coming a bit later.” He explained, reaching across for the bottle of vodka on the table and pouring a drink so strong, Geoff would probably wince. “He’s working a late shift at the cinema.”

“Is that why you’re getting wrecked? So you’re not too fucking queer to face him when he arrives?” Ray asked, raising an eyebrow as Gavin took a hefty chug from his red cup. Gavin glared at him. “If by _queer_ you mean nervous, then yeah, asshole. Also… you know-” he nodded outside in the vague direction of Michael, who was smoking a cigarette with Meg and Ryan. Ray slipped his joint, now perfectly rolled, behind his ear and smirked, following Gavin’s eyeline. “Ah, yeah. Michael.” He nodded. “Still haven’t told him, huh?”

“Working on it.” Gavin took another long drink. The vodka burned his throat as well as the inside of his chest, but Gavin knew it would be worth it. The quicker he was drunk, the quicker he could warn Michael about his sort-of-boyfriend arriving.

“Gav!” He’d been so focused on finishing his drink, he hadn’t even noticed Michael finishing his cigarette and wandering back inside as Ray slipped out and lit his joint. “Jesus, I can smell the liquor from here. You looking to get wasted, boi?”

“Definitely.” Gavin reached for the vodka again, but Michael’s warm hand stopped him.

“You sure nothing’s wrong?” he asked. Gavin shook his head.

“Nothing at all.” He lied, pulling the bottle back towards him as Michael released his grip. “Shots?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When Gavin opened his eyes, Michael was nowhere to be seen.

There were people _everywhere_ \- when had they all ariived? From what Lindsay had said, she’d only been permitted to have thirty or so over, but as Gavin stumbled up onto his feet from where he had been previously slumped on the couch, he could roughly estimate that around fifty people were crammed into the main room and another twenty were spilling out into the garden.

“Michael?” He mumbled sleepily. Michael was all he could remember- him and Michael. His _boi_. They’d done an awful lot of drinking together, and then, once more people arrived and Ray was a little high, he’d got awfully generous with his weed. Gavin was a lightweight, particularly when it came to drugs. Within minutes, his mind was a foggy cloud of _stuff_.

Across the room, Gavin spotted Ryan, leant against the fridge and talking to Lindsay. “Michael?” he mumbled, bumbling over and nearly tripping over his own feet. Thankfully, lovely sober Ryan caught him. “Michael’s over there Gav.” He said, nodding over to the garden. Gavin squinted, his stomach bottoming out when he spotted _his boi_ , with his arms wrapped around the waist of some _girl_.

“Who’s the bloody hell’s she then?” he slurred. Lindsay laughed.

“That’s Chris’ cousin I think. Laura or something. Michael’s been trying his luck with her ever since you passed out over there on the couch.”

“ _Laura_.” Gavin rolled his eyes, but his body swayed with every movement. “Sounds _dumb_.”

“Gav!” another voice called. Gavin whipped around and could barely make out Ray, another freshly rolled blunt tucked behind his lips and someone tall following behind him. “Look who just got here!” Ray said, pulling the stranger forwards. Gavin squinted.

“Hey Gav.”

 _Dylan_.

With a gentle shove from Lindsay, Gavin stumbled forwards. Dylan, thankfully, caught him with a laugh- using his free hand to accept the beer Ryan tossed him. Once Gavin was stable, leant against his arm, he twisted the cap off and took a long sip.

“Sorry I’m so late.” He mumbled into Gavin’s hair as he pulled him into a hug. “Work just went on and on-”

“-Stop talking.” Gavin mumbled, pressing his face into Dylan’s shoulder and smiling as he smelt aftershave, mixed with popcorn. “Kiss me, yeah?”

“Uh, sure.” Dylan smiled. He rested his beer on a nearby ledge beside some photo frames and pulled Gavin into him, pressing their lips together gently. It was the exact kind of baby-soft kiss Gavin would expect from Michael with his delicate pink cupids bow, but that wasn’t what he was looking for. He didn’t give a shit about _Michael_ and _Laura_ and whatever they were planning on getting up to in the garden. Maybe Michael would take her inside and lead her upstairs. Maybe, she’d take his virginity and he’d shut up about being so desperate to finally _fuck_. Maybe she’d even one day be his girlfriend.

Gavin was distracted from his bitter thoughts by Dylan’s fingers, warm as they brushed past his hip under his shirt. In return, he pressed into Dylan closer, escalating things further than they ever had before, and reached up to wrap his arms around Dylan’s broad shoulders.

“Hey.” Dylan muttered in his ear. “You okay?”

“Let’s go upstairs.” Gavin replied, before Michael had the chance to swarm his thoughts again. “Dyl, please?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The stairs were a little blurry as Gavin stumbled up them. Dylan was close behind him, their hands linked tightly as Gavin led them to the second level of the house. In the hallway, he was met with four separate doors. _One_ of them had to be Lindsay’s room- right? What were the odds he’d guess wrong and stumble into an awkward encounter with her older brother (left home to ‘supervise’ by smoking dope in his bedroom and playing _Resident Evil,_ according to Lindsay)?

Gavin swallowed. ¾ wasn’t too bad?

On a whim, he reached for the nearest door and pulled Dylan inside. A quick scan told him that _yes_ , he’d guessed right- because all over the walls were photographs of their little group amongst anime posters. Lindsay’s bed had Mario-themed bedsheets. Her Xbox had a giant penis scrawled on it in red sharpie (thanks to Barbara).

“Are you sure we’re allowed up here?” Dylan asked, as Gavin whirled around and snaked his arms around the older boy’s neck. “Sure.” He lied. Dylan didn’t seem like he wanted to question it. “C’mon. We’ll be quick.”

It dawned on Gavin, only after he’d already taken his shirt off in Dylan’s lap and let his hands wander all over his boyfriend(?)’s broad, firm back, that he’d never done _anything_ like this before. He knew enough about sex to figure out the basics and what-went-where, but aside from that one boy at summer camp, a handful disappointed closed-mouth smooches with girls and the several make-out sessions he and Dylan had shared in the back of the carl, _this_ was it.

This was his _first time_.

Gavin resisted the urge to scoff at himself, distracted by Dylan leaning into him and pressing kisses down from his lips to his neck. He was about to _have sex_ , for the first time in _Lindsay’s_ bed at a house-party, half-drunk because he couldn’t bear the thought of watching Michael hook up with someone else.

It was frustrating- because here was _Dylan-_ handsome and funny and nice with his thumbs rubbing firm circles at Gavin’s hips and fingers spreading to cup his ass, his talented hot mouth and his soft brown hair which Gavin was having a great time carding his fingers through; yet Gavin could only think of one thing.

_Michael-fucking-Jones_

“You okay?” Dylan stopped kissing (which Gavin had to admit, was disappointing) and looked up at Gavin, who wriggled on his lap. “Yeah.” Gavin panted, leaning forwards and resting his forehead against Dylan’s. “I’m fine. Just… kiss me again?”

Dylan obliged, and their mouths connected once again. This was much further than any of their previous make-out sessions had ever gone. Dylan’s hands were _wandering_ and Gavin could feel the slight natural rock their hips were starting to fall into. And it felt _good_ \- even if it wasn’t completely what- or more accurately- _whom_ he wanted.

Gavin was just wondering if maybe, he would prefer Dylan a lot more with his shirt off too when he heard the door creak open. He whipped his head sideways, prepared to viciously snap at who-the-fuck ever had decided to walk in just as Dylan slipped his hands _into_ Gavin’s jeans, but the words died on his lips immediately when he locked eyes with Michael.

“Gavin?”

Gavin swallowed thickly. “Michael, I-”

“Uh… sorry-” Michael backed up instantly, bewilderment spreading across his lovely features in milliseconds. “I didn’t mean… I didn’t know, you- uh…. I’ll just… I- sorry.”

 _His_ Michael. Gavin’s _lovely Michael_ looked like a deer in headlights as he stared at the pair of them, words tripping over each other and his hand tightly clasped around the door handle. After his vague mumblings, he turned and ran away, pulling the door tightly behind him. Gavin listened as his footsteps bounded down the stairs, a few voices called out _hey, where are you going?_ And the front door slammed shut. Gavin bit his lip.

“ _Fuck_.” He sighed, pulling away from Dylan and reaching for his shirt. “I… I should probably-”

“You should go after him.” Dylan nodded, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “It’s fine. We can do… _this_ … anytime, really.”

Gavin smiled at Dylan as he pulled his shirt back over his head and climbed out of his lap. His feet were itching, burning even to sprint after Michael from the moment he’d turned around and closed the door, but he didn’t want to be rude. He left Dylan with a brief kiss on the lips and then turned, thudding down the stairs and bounding out the door.

Once he had run down the drive, Gavin looked from left to right. Michael was spotted easily, walking briskly in the direction of his own house with his hands tucked into his jean pockets. However, Gavin didn’t spot his bag or his coat- so clearly, Michael wasn’t planning on going very far.

“Michael!” He called, running after his best friend. “Michael, wait!”

Michael didn’t seem to hear him at first, but Gavin was fairly fast despite his clumsiness and bounded into the boy only a minute or so later. Michael couldn’t ignore him once he was directly behind him. Gavin panted, reaching forwards and grabbing Michael by the shoulder so he would stop walking, which he did, sighing reluctantly as he turned around.

Being so caught up in the shock, the adrenaline of the need to have Michael back, Gavin had almost forgotten what he’d started running for. But then, Michael was stood under a streetlight staring at him like they were complete strangers, and of course, he remembered.

Michael had seen him kissing Dylan. Michael had seen him kissing a _boy_.

“Well?” Gavin asked, the silence making his stomach turn. “Are you going to say anything? Or should I just turn back and go?”

 “I’m sorry-” Michael sighed, and Gavin physically took a step back. Of all the horrible, awful things he was imagining Michael to say- _I’m sorry_ certainly hadn’t been high on the list. “Gavin, I am sorry I shouldn’t have just… taken off like that. I’m just… shocked I guess? I don’t know. You’re… you’re gay?”

There were the words. It was crushing, but still- Gavin felt that same relief he had when he’d told Meg. When he’d told Ray. When he’d told Geoff and Griffon.

“I’m gay.” He nodded, confident about it for the first time in his entire life. Within a second of Michael uttering the key word- _Gay_ , he didn’t feel the necessity to keep it so hidden anymore. “I am. So yeah, I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be sorry Gavin- Jesus!” Michael exclaimed, before pulling Gavin into a tight hug. Gavin wrapped his arms back around his best friend instantly, and was thankful to feel that nothing between them had yet changed. Michael still felt the same as he always did- warm and firm and soft in all the right places. “I’m sorry,” Michael mumbled into his neck. “I didn’t mean to freak you out by running away. That’s… fucking awesome that you’re gay. Seriously…” he pulled back, holding Gavin arm’s length by the shoulders. A serious expression strained his pretty face. “I don’t want you to think that like I don’t… approve or whatever. It’s just… a shock, I guess?”

Gavin scrunched his face up. “Is it really? Geoff and Griffon thought it was pretty obvious.”

“They already know?” Gavin nodded. “And are they okay with it- you know do they support you and-”

“-Of course they do!” Gavin laughed, and Michael’s grip loosened immediately. A soft smile played on his best friend’s face, and the sight warmed Gavin’s gut. “They’re Geoff and Griffon.” He said. “They’re probably the most liberal people I’ve ever met, you dunce!”

“Oh dude that’s great,” Michael exhaled, and it surprised Gavin how relieved he sounded. But then, was it a surprise? Michael was the most lovely, caring person he knew. Of course his first thought on learning his _best friend_ was gay would be to check if _he_ was okay. “Does Ray know?” he asked. “He won’t believe that-”

“-Ray knows.” Gavin nodded. Michael frowned, briefly.

“Oh. He already knows, okay. Cool. Well, what about Meg?... Like this will totally explain why you didn’t want to get into her. I bet she won’t-”

“-No, Meg knows.” Gavin nodded again. Michael’s hands fell back to his sides, and suddenly, all the unease Gavin had been fearing came rushing to his chest. “Ryan too,” he continued, nervously. “Uh- Lindsay as well I think. They all know, they’ve known for a while.” The last part came out as more of a guilty mumble than he’d intended. Suddenly, Gavin couldn’t tear his eyes from the floor. Michael neither.

“How long?” he asked quietly. Gavin sighed.

“Ray’s known for years, Ryan too.” He admitted. “They helped me come out to Geoff and Griffon last year. Meg… I told her that first night after she tried to get with me… ha-ha. Lindsay knew from Meg, I think.”

As Michael’s frown, directed at the floor, grew in size and strength, Gavin stiffened. It was almost as if he had x-ray vision into Michael’s skull, and he could see his brain racing at a thousand miles a minute, as the cogs turned and the puzzle pieces of Gavin’s history of little white lies slowly unravelled before him.

“Wait… what?” he looked up. Gavin bit his lip.

“They all know Michael. They always have done.” He admitted.

“What, did everyone know except me?”

 _Well, fuck_. Gavin thought to himself. _What am I supposed to say to that?_ He chose, idiotically, to stay completely silent. The street was silent. The streetlight above them flickered slightly, before buzzing.

Michael looked at Gavin. Gavin still said nothing.

Michael exploded.

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me this years ago Gavin?” he yelled. “I’ve _never_ been _homophobic_ … I’ve never ever had any kind of problem with anyone being gay… I… why did you not feel like you could tell me? When to everyone else it was just… fucking _public information_? You told Meg the first night you fucking met her! I’ve been your best friend for years, and you couldn’t even fucking take a sec to tell me?” he was almost snarling, kind-hearted, angry words punctuated with his fist, waving in the air. Gavin resisted the urge to groan. He’d spent all this time worrying that Michael would _hate_ him, purely for something as trivial as his sexuality. But he knew Michael better than that- he knew Michael would never have been discriminative.

Perhaps this was what he’d been scared of all along. Because the longer he’d kept the secret, the more, he supposed, it felt to Michael like the biggest possible slap in the face.

“Michael I was just… I don’t know, scared!” Gavin tried to explain himself, but all the words he really wanted to say, died on his tongue. _I thought you’d want to stop cuddling in bed. I thought you’d leave the room to change. I thought you’d realise that I’ve been in love with you this whole damn time._ “…I thought you wouldn’t think of me the same if you knew.”

“Gav.” Michael sighed, deeply. Suddenly, he didn’t seem so angry anymore. He seemed _tired_. “We’re best fucking friends. Nothing can ever change that, and nothings gonna change between us just cause you like dudes instead of girls! Okay?”

Gavin nodded. “Okay. I know- I was being dumb. I’m sorry Michael, I really am.” He said, and truly, he did mean it. And maybe, Michael could sense that- because his tired frown shifted into a small smile, and slowly, he pulled Gavin back into another hug. “It feels like such a relief now you know.” Gavin mumbled into his neck as the high strung tension faded between them. “Feel like I don’t have to lie about girls I want to bang or pretend that the Brokeback Mountain DVD was Geoff’s.”

“I fucking _knew_ there was something fishy about that!” Michael laughed, and the two pulled away from each other. “You little fucking mingy prick. What else was a lie then, come on?” he asked, but thankfully with less anger and more amusement in his tone.

“Well…” Gavin blushed. “I may have been seriously over-exaggerating my story about the girl with the blonde hair at summer camp.”

Heartbreak flashed in Michael’s eyes. “Charlie was a _lie_?”

“Well, his name _was_ actually Charlie- the bit about the handjob was true as well I guess. Just… I gave it to him instead?”

“I _hate_ you!” Michael glared, but only for a second before the two dissolved into giggled. Gavin didn’t even notice, but they’d already started walking back towards the party, and the music grew louder in the distance. “So,” Michael said. “What’s with this new dude then? Are you guys like… dating?”

Gavin shrugged. “Dylan… he was a friend of Ray’s and I think Ryan, back in the day. Ray introduced us and we’ve sort of been seeing each other for a few weeks. It’s pretty new though so, I don’t know.” He scratched his arm, awkwardly. Michael smile didn’t waver.

“Well dude, that’s great!” He punched Gavin playfully. “And I mean… it _looked_ pretty serious from where I was standing, so-”

“-God let’s _never_ talk about that again. I don’t think anything could be _more_ embarrassing.”

“Hey,” Michael scoffed. “Replace me with Geoff and that situation gets ten times worse.”

Gavin groaned and Michael laughed wickedly, as the music once again was loud. They were stood on Lindsay’s driveway, the front door only a few short steps away. Still Gavin felt reluctant to go in. once they were back inside, he’d go back to Dylan, Michael would go back to _his_ girl, whoever she was. Between them personally, yes, things would be the same. But Gavin wasn’t just Gavin anymore- not if he had Dylan along for the ride too.

Things were going to change, regardless. And it would all start from the moment they stepped back into the party.

“Nice night out here, isn’t it?”

“-Did you ever have a thing for me?”

Gavin froze. Michael looked sheepish, for once in his life, hands tucked shyly into his jeans and his eyes focused solely on the floor.

“No.” Gavin lied. Michael always made it so easy for him to lie. “Never.”

“Cool.” Michael nodded. “So, you wanna go back inside?”

Gavin grinned. “Sure, boi.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Come on Michael, there you go, easy. Just a few more steps- right, now lean right there.” Gavin pushed his best friend gently against the wall of the house. Michael had, at some point after his and Gavin’s private talk, gotten rejected by _that girl_ and proceeded to down enough alcohol to make Geoff wobble. Gavin hadn’t noticed the absolute _state_ his best friend was falling into at first (too distracted by Dylan and his pretty mouth) until it was too late- and he was stuck dragging the drunken fool home with him, because there wasn’t a chance in hell either of them could drive. Gavin didn’t even have a licence.

Gavin fumbled with his keys, still a little buzzed himself from _whatever_ it was Ray had given him to smoke around his last beer, but he managed to jimmy the door open relatively quickly, before dragging Michael over and holding onto him tightly. Michael threw his arms around Gavin’s shoulders and buried his face into his neck.

“Gav… you’re the best friend I ever had- you know that?” he slurred. Gavin laughed.

“I know boi. Now shut up, Geoff and Griffon might be asleep.”

“I’don care.” Michael mumbled. Thankfully, as they stepped in, Gavin noticed Geoff, who was still very much awake and slumped on the sofa in front of the TV. “You’re my best friend! Everyone should know.”

“Hey there boys.” Geoff chuckled. Gavin rolled his eyes.

“Let me put you to bed Michael. Sure you don’t want water or anything? If you get puke in my bed, I’ll have right go in the morning.”

“Gavin you’re my best friend…” Michael repeated. “My best _gay_ friend. I’m so _proud_ of you.” He hiccupped. “I really am. I really am Gavin. You’re my best friend. You’re _gay_ and you’re my best friend.”

“I’m definitely putting you to bed.” Gavin laughed softly. He looked over briefly to Geoff, who he hoped would be laughing too.

Geoff wasn’t laughing. Surprisingly enough, he looked quite solemn as he watched them instead of the TV. Gavin ignored him, and instead focused on lugging all one-hundred-and-sixty pounds of his best friend up the stairs. Once they made it to the hallway, Michael needed a breather at the top of the stairs. For a second, Gavin feared he _would_ puke, which would’ve been a total disaster; but thankfully Michael recovered, and managed to stumble his way into Gavin’s bedroom and shuffle out of his clothes unaided.

“Sure you don’t want to borrow shorts or anything?” Gavin leant over, rubbing Michael’s hair gently. Michael grunted in reply, which Gavin took as a no. Apparently, he was more than content in just his boxers, laid in the bed of his _best gay friend_. Gavin looked down and watched him fondly as warmth spread through his chest.

“Sweet dreams boi.” He patted a sleeping Michael gently on the back. “I’ll go and get some water.”

Creeping into the kitchen, Gavin did his best to avoid Geoff’s unreadable stare that followed him down the stairs and through the main room. Something was definitely off about his foster-dad. It wasn’t like Geoff to loom silently as he and Michael entered the house after a party. Usually he would be his normal teasing self, laughing at their drunken shenanigans before helping shove the pair of them up to bed. He’d joke about their killer hangovers, offer to deliver them water and painkillers to lay by Gavin’s bedside till morning.

Instead, even as Gavin crept back out of the kitchen and towards the stairs, Geoff was quiet.

Gavin placed one foot on the step. Behind him, Geoff sighed.

“So,” he said, turning the television onto mute. “Did you tell him?”

Gavin turned, laughing once. “Yes- was that not obvious Geoff? You know, when he busted in saying how much he loves his gay best friend? _Donut_.”

“No that you’re gay- asshole!” Geoff snapped, rolling his eyes fiercely. “Is that what you really thought all this was about?”

Gavin froze. Slowly, he lowered his glass of water and rested it on the stairs. Then he turned, and walked back towards to couch.

“Wait… what?” he mumbled, confused. “Geoff, you’ve been telling me to come out to Michael for months! Now I have, what’s the issue?”

“I wasn’t bugging you this whole time about telling Michael you were gay, dipshit.” Geoff huffed. “I was bugging you about telling Michael that you’re _in love_ with him.”

“Geoff-”

“Look, kid. I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. But I know you. I know you loved Michael- I know you still love Michael, despite this… _Dylan_ kid.”

“I _don’t_.” Gavin insisted. Geoff gave him _that_ look. That simple, taunting, _I-don’t-believe-any-of-your-shit_ look.

“I can see it in your fucking face every time you look at him!” Geoff raised his voice, and Gavin flinched. Geoff never raised his voice- not in anger. Not in seriousness. “And I’m sorry Gav,” he immediately retracted, shrinking back into the sofa. “…I don’t mean to get mad I just… I just don’t know how long you can continue in that charade of being just his _best friend_.” The last part, quite unlike the first, was quiet. That made Gavin feel equally, if not more, unsettled. Geoff was never quiet. Not in anger. Not in seriousness.

“It’s _Michael,_ Geoff.” Gavin said- because what else _could_ he say. Geoff knew him better than anyone in the world. Geoff knew just how deeply he _did_ feel. “I’ll continue forever if that’s what he wants.”

“Don’t you understand Gavin?” he asked, eyes shining in the reflection of the television. “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.”

“Geoff-”

“Just… get some sleep.” Geoff rubbed at his face tiredly, before looking away. “Make sure Michael doesn’t choke on his own vomit. I’ll see you kids in the morning.”

 

 


	5. How to be really, really subtle and really, really sorry.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin is really, really trying, Ray is really, really tired and Meg has got some really, really good advice.

 

Things were better, for a little while.

Gavin being _out_ took a heavy weight off his shoulders that he hadn’t realised he’d been carrying- but it showed, how much _easier_ everything was now that Michael _knew_. He didn’t have to worry about pretending to like the random girls and celebrities Michael showed him _Instagram_ pictures of. He didn’t have to feel self-conscious about Michael peering over his shoulder and seeing his texts to Ray, or Dylan.

He didn’t even have to feel _uncomfortable_ , sat at his usual spot on their table with Michael on one side and Dylan, the new addition to the group, on his other. Michael knew that they were no longer just _dating_ , he knew _everything_.

So why did Gavin still feel awkward? Every time Dylan gently touched his waist, or talked quietly into his ear, or teased him or ruffled his hair, he would feel incredibly self-conscious. His eyes would dart to Michael, just to see if he was watching. Most of the time, he was. And he _didn’t_ look happy.

Michael looked at Dylan with the same amount of needless hatred Gavin had once felt toward Lindsay, and slowly, Dylan was noticing. “Does he… you know, _like_ me?” Dylan had asked countless times, concerned over the very-important opinion of Gavin’s best friend. Gavin had done his best to dispel the doubts- but Michael didn’t make it easy. He wasn’t exactly subtle in his dislike.

“Talk to him, please!” he’d begged Ray, on a Friday afternoon as they walked to math together. “It’s driving me nuts, Dylan thinks Michael hates him. Everyone at the table feels on edge.”

“I know, I know, Michael’s a dickhead.” Ray grumbled, pulling his beanie tighter over his forehead. “He’s staying over my place tonight, so I’ll talk to him. Try and get him to lay off.”

“Thanks Ray.” Gavin smiled, and then they turned into their classroom.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Ray was tired.

Sure, he knew- he’d always known about Gavin being completely not-straight _and_ his ridiculous crush on Michael. For years, he’d played the hardly-sought-after role of third wheel- and then just as he was managing to distance himself, Gavin and Michael had sucked him right back in. He’d hoped that Gavin finally _coming out_ would create a little less tension between the two, but for some reason, it had only amplified intensely.

The only logical explanation he could come up with was so not-plausible, so ridiculously impossible, that he had spent hours wracking his brain for an alternative. However, he hadn’t found one, so only one theory really made sense.

Michael _liked_ Gavin.

But no- that was silly. Ray knew for a fact that Michael was probably the only one in their friendship group who _was_ straight. And not like Ryan-straight, where you sometimes bang dudes and enjoy it but then pretend it didn’t really _mean_ anything. Like _real_ straight.

So, instead of playing into the stupendous fantasy that Michael could actually be in love with his best friend, Ray settled into the beanbag in his room, left Michael up on the bed and settled down to play some Co-Op Halo 2.

He wasn’t even going to bring it up, after a few hours of gaming and Chinese food. He’d decided that he wasn’t going to be Gavin’s bitch and play cupid between the dickheads, fixing their ridiculous non-existent problem. He was just going to play video games with his other best friend and eat dim-sum until he couldn’t move.

And then Michael just _had_ to go and bring it up.

“So what do you think of that Dylan dude?” he asked, doing his best to keep his voice level and nonchalant and disinterested. Ray resisted the urge to scoff, and kept his eyeroll aimed at the screen.

“Dylan? He’s pretty cool. We’ve been friends for a while.”

“Yeah, Gavin said…” Michael trailed off awkwardly, and Ray could imagine him, shifting uncomfortably on the bed as he tried to think up a way of asking what he _really_ wanted to ask without sounding like a man completely, ridiculously obsessed. “I just… I dunno if I like him. He seems, like, off… I don’t know. Maybe ‘Cause he’s older. I just don’t know if I trust him with Gav yet.”

 “Dude, you need to chill.” Ray scoffed. He could feel Michael’s glare, burning into the back of his head.

“Whatever man, I just want to know if he’s got good intentions, that’s all. I figured you’re his friend, you’d know. Jeez.”

“Dylan’s a nice guy and I can promise you, Gavin’s fucking virginity is still intact.” Ray teased. He heard Michael splutter behind him, and bit his lip to contain his snicker.

“I don’t mean it like that, asshole!” Michael snapped. “I just… I don’t want Gavin to get hurt by rushing into something too quickly. I mean, he’s only been _out_ two weeks and he’s already in a fucking relationship!”

Ray sighed, more to himself than to Michael. He really had wanted to avoid all of this mushy-feelings-crap. But no, Michael was forcing his hand. Slowly, he set his controller down on the floor and turned slowly in the beanbag so he could face Michael.

“Maybe to you, idiot.” He said. “For the rest of us, Gavin’s been gay for _years_ ”

Michael huffed, but the jealousy bled through his flippant front. Ray notice that his controller was already abandoned on the bedspread, and resisted the urge to ask if they could turn back to the game. Obviously, Michael wanted to talk about it. Ray hated talking.

“Alright, don’t rub it in.” Michael mumbled, rolling onto his back. His hand rested over his chest. Ray sighed, again.

 _Alright Narvaez_ , he thought to himself. _Time to try and be insightful, and get some advice through Michael’s thick skull._

“Look, at least Gavin’s always known what he is and been able to admit it to his friends and the people that love him-”

“Yeah, it’s great.”

“-I know a lot of guys who have gay feelings are kinda unsure and push it down pretending to be totally straight because they don’t know what to do, right?” for effect, he raised an eyebrow in Michael’s direction, but his best friend wasn’t looking. Still, Ray could make out his face as it scrunched up into a frown, and Michael rolled back onto his front.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he asked. “Are you trying to come out too now, asshole?”

“What? No, idiot. I’m just saying-”

“-Good, cause I’ve already got one newly gay best friend to look out for. Give me a couple weeks to digest that before you jump on the fuckin bandwagon.”

“I’m just _saying_ , God.” Ray huffed, but in the back of his mind he wondered if Michael was serious. He thought he’d always been fairly obvious about his not-straightness, but then, if Michael had never even clocked that Gavin was gay maybe he didn’t… Ray paused his stream of consciousness. Michael and Gavin were his focus right now. Everything else could come later. “Everyone gets… confused. _But_ , everyone has someone they can confide in about shit like that if they need it.” He said, and the hint was fairly major. _Please god_ , he thought, _let Michael get this fucking hint._

“Yeah. I guess.” Michael shrugged. Ray held his breath. “But whatever. Gavin can do what the fuck his wants. Nothing to do with us, right? I’d rather spend my time figuring out how I’m gonna get that new girl- _Mica_ to notice I fucking exist. She’s _hot,_ right?”

Ray turned around completely, his back to Michael once again. He resisted the urge to flip his shit, storm over and grab Michael by his pale shoulders, shaking him violently until he could see the truth. Like that would ever work. It would probably still be too subtle.

“Sure Michael.” He said instead, letting the game consume his thoughts and allowing his brain to be idle. “She’s pretty hot.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, what are you doing this weekend?”

Gavin looked up from his lunch to his boyfriend (which it still felt very bizarre to say) who was watching him with a gentle smile as he sipped from his can of coke.

“Nothing.” He crunched a chip in his mouth. “Why?”

“Oh, just my parents are going away for the weekend to visit my grandma. Wanna sleep over Saturday night?”

Before he had the chance to agree- Gavin was interrupted by Michael choking on his water opposite them. He rolled his eyes as Ray slammed Michael’s back in a way that didn’t look helpful, and then turned back to Dylan.

“Sure.” He agreed casually. “That sounds cool.”

Nothing more was said about it over lunch, but it was clear that Michael was on edge. Gavin watched him silently, but chose not to comment on it. He wasn’t going to give Michael that much attention for his silly little hissy fit. He was doing his best to _get over_ his stupid crush. If that meant ignoring Michael’s obvious discomfort towards his relationship- then so be it.

Michael drove him home that day. He’d been driving a lot more recently since his brother had gone back to New Jersey and left his old car behind for Michael to drive around in now that he had his licence so he wasn’t inconveniencing his mom so often. So, Michael had offered to drive him home again and again- most likely because it played into his little pissing contest with Dylan, who also had a car and also drove Gavin home, frequently.

His knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel tightly. Neither of them spoke the whole journey home, Michael sighing as he pulled up into Gavin’s driveway. Gavin unplugged his seatbelt, but Michael didn’t make effort to move.

“Do you, uh… wanna come in?”

It was strange, feeling genuinely nervous around his best friend. Now his blatant homosexuality was out in the open, Gavin had almost forgotten the feeling entirely. Michael remained quiet as he trailed behind Gavin, into the house. Geoff was sitting around the table, reading something as he sipped his drink and looked up at them both briefly.

“Hey.” He frowned slightly, noting the obvious tension. “You kids ok?”

“Yeah.” Michael muttered. Gavin caught eyes with Geoff as his _best friend_ slunk up the stairs, and shrugged his shoulders when Geoff raised a questioning eyebrow.

By the time they got into the bedroom, Gavin had just about had _enough_.

“Well then?” he huffed.

Michael slumped down on the bed and looked up at Gavin. “What?” he all but growled.

“What’s your bloody problem?!” Gavin snapped, folding his arms over his chest. “Clearly something’s crawled up your ass, so what is it?” he bit his lip, and felt most of the anger gently dissipate, just as soon as it had manifested itself. He’d never been able to stay mad at Michael for long, so instead of shouting, Gavin sat down onto the bed besides him. Michael was staring into his lap.

“Is this about Dylan?” he asked, quieter.

“Look, Gav you’re my best friend.” Michael sighed. “I just don’t want Dylan taking advantage of you! Asking you to stay over, and-”

“Woah, relax!” Gavin smiled, nudging Michael gently with his shoulder. “Dylan and I aren’t… he’s never… like, pressured me into anything. We’re kind of… going slow.”

“-But the party, Lindsay’s-”

“-Was all me, you dunce!” Gavin laughed. “I was just _really_ drunk and he’d been drinking too. It was dumb. Nothing like that has happened since. We’re taking things _slow_.”

“Well then why the fuck else would Dylan be inviting you to stay over when his parents are away if he _doesn’t_ just wanna get into you?”

At that, Gavin frowned. The anger began to reform in his gut.

“Uh, maybe because he _likes_ spending time with me?” he snapped. “Cause I’m his _boyfriend_. Sorry if that’s so fucking… hard to believe, Michael! That someone would actually enjoy my company past a quick _fuck_!”

“Gav- I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then what _did_ you mean? Cause that’s what it flippin’ sounded like!” Gavin folded his arms and moved away from Michael completely.

“Look, I’m sorry-” Michael started, but it was too late. Gavin stood up and looked away, out of the window. He eyed Michael’s car.

“Maybe you should just go home Michael.” He said quietly. Michael stood up.

“Yeah.” He huffed. “Maybe I fucking should.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

Later into the night after a few hours of simmering anger followed by apologetic texts popping on his phone from Michael himself, Gavin laid on his bed and sighed.

 _I know_. He typed. _I know you didn’t mean it Michael. I forgive you._

 _I just don’t want you to be mad at me_. Michael replied. Gavin bit his lip.

 _I’m not_. He promised. _Just I can look after myself, okay? I don’t need you to do it for me all the time._

Gavin turned his and Michael’s chat onto _Do Not Disturb_ after that. His best friend continued to text him sporadically over the period of the weekend, but Gavin didn’t bother opening a single one. He had bigger things to prepare for.

 _Big night tonight ;)_ Ray teased over text. Gavin rolled his eyes as he texted back, but was thankful Ray wasn’t there to see the blush on his face as he got ready to head over to Dylan’s place.

Ray wasn’t wrong. In Gavin’s mind, _this_ really was it. Dylan was his boyfriend and had invited him to stay over, just the two of them, alone in the house. The idea of his virginity had never bothered Gavin much as most of his energy had gone into pretending to be straight- but since his sexual preference had found its way out into the open, he’d put more and more thought into the concept. Dylan was nice and older and almost definitely _not_ a virgin. Gavin wasn’t sure if this was a good or bad thing. On one hand, being more experienced meant that Dylan would probably take good care of him. However, Dylan being more experienced also meant that he would know if Gavin was absolutely _rubbish_ in bed.

Nerves wracked his body on the silent drive over, Griffon’s worrying maternal glances every few seconds doing nothing except put him more on edge. Gavin tried to focus out of the window and all too soon began to recognise the streets leading up to Dylan’s house. Griffon’s headlights illuminated the registration of Dylan’s car, parked up outside his house. Gavin held his breath.

“Have fun.” Griffon smiled at him, but Gavin could tell she was anxious by how tightly her tattooed knuckled gripped the steering wheel. “Just… be sensible. Yeah? Call me if you need anything.”

Gavin swallowed thickly, but nodded despite his awkwardness. “Will do. Thanks, Grif.”

“Bye Gav. Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye.” Gavin climbed out the car and tried to keep his breathing level as he approached Dylan’s door. He’d only been over his boyfriend’s house a few times before, and admired the intricate carvings of the door knocker as he heard Griffon drive away behind him. He’d briefly forgotten that Dylan was quite wealthy.

“What, you just gonna stand out here all night?” Gavin was startled as Dylan opened the door before he even raised his hand to it. Noticing, Dylan gave a small laugh and rubbed at his hair in a way that was awkward, but still cute. “Sorry, I was looking out for you through the window. Saw you standing on the doorstep.”

“Right, sorry.” Gavin forced a laugh. “I was just… daydreaming. You know what I’m like.”

“Yeah.” Dylan grinned. “I do, come in.”

As Gavin walked past, into the house, Dylan dropped a sweet kiss on his temple. Gavin smiled, and tried to let himself fall gently into the swing of things. _Just another night_ , he told himself, over and over. _Just a normal night with my boyfriend. No parents. No Michael. Nothing in the way._

Once they were settled into the couch, Dylan’s arm curled around his narrow shoulders. Gavin swallowed thickly, but did his best to relax. Slowly, he rested his head against Dylan and the two shifted around each other until they were comfortable. It was nice.

It was something.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You sure you don’t want me to drop you home?” Dylan asked, pulling up outside Meg’s house, after half an hour of Gavin’s misleading directions. “I don’t mind, it’s only a few blocks away.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” Gavin shrugged his overnight bag over his shoulder. “We’ve got to uh… study for something. It’s a partner thing. Biology.” He lied. “I promised her I’d come over.”

“Ryan too?” Dylan asked, pointing vaguely across the road. “Isn’t that his car?”

“Dunno.” Gavin leant across, silencing his boyfriend with a quick kiss. The quicker he could flee the car, the harder it would be for Dylan to catch him out in his ill-thought out lie. “Later.”

“Bye.”

Gavin all but ran up to Meg’s steps. He hadn’t even bothered texting her before showing up at her door, but hoped he wasn’t going to awkwardly interrupt her and Ryan getting it on. After all, her parents didn’t seem to be around much either.

Thankfully, when Meg came to the door she was fully clothed. Her soft smile turned into a frown when she spotted Gavin pacing anxiously on her doorstep.

“Gav?”

Gavin looked up from his shoes. “Can I, uh… come in?”

He followed Meg upstairs to her bedroom, and for a second, recalled the last time he had been there. A glance over at the sofa, visible through the awning leading to the living room made him feel nervous. He remembered the sight of Michael and Lindsay, cuddled there together.

“Gav!”

Meg shook him out of the memory, and Gavin quickly realised he’d been stood completely still on the stairs, staring into the living room. He shook himself briefly, before entering her room and flopping down on the bed. Dylan had been right- Ryan was there, laid back against the headboard (also completely dressed) playing something on his phone.

“Hey Gav.” He mumbled. “What’re you doing here?”

“Yeah.” Meg folded her arms, standing before the two of them. “What _are_ you doing here? I thought Dylan was gonna drop you home this morning?”

“He was.” Gavin nodded. “I asked him to take me here, I- I needed to talk to you. About me and him and… last night.”

“So, you lost your virginity!” Meg grinned, sitting down beside him. “How was it? All you ever dreamed of?” she teased. Gavin rolled his eyes.

“Can we not talk about this with Ryan here, lingering behind us?” he asked. Meg laughed.

“Babe, beat it.” She said. “Gavin and I are gonna have a _girl_ talk. Go downstairs and watch Dragonball Z or something.”

Ryan huffed, making a big display of dragging himself to his feet and sulking out of the room, not without flipping the worst of them off and mumbling something about Gavin being _the worst_ and Meg _neglecting his needs_. Gavin didn’t need any further clarification on what Ryan _needed_ from Meg.

“So, what happened?” She asked excitedly once Ryan was gone. Gavin allowed his body to go limp, and fell backwards so he was laying on the bed, facing the ceiling. Frowning, Meg joined him, but shifted to lay on her front so she could peer down at him. Gavin did his best not to look at her, fearful of what might come spilling out of his mouth. But he had to tell _someone_ \- and Meg had always been good at keeping his secrets.

“Nothing.” He answered, truthfully, ignoring her disappointed pout. “I’m serious. I need help, Meg. I really do.”

“What happened?” She cooed, a protective note to her voice as she propped her head up with her arm on the bed. “Do I have to get Ryan to break his pretty face?”

“No, Dylan was perfect, as always.” Gavin sighed. “He bought pizza, we watched a movie and made out and then he wanted to… you know, but I didn’t want to so we stopped. And watched another movie and then went to sleep.”

“You said no?”

Gavin paused. For a second- he was scared. Because he _had_ said no, despite how _perfect_ and _right_ everything about the moment Dylan leant over him and kissed him was. For whatever reasons he didn’t want to admit to himself just yet; he couldn’t do it. That was what scared him.

“Yup.” he mumbled.

“I thought you were really into Dylan?”

“I was! I mean- I am but… I just couldn’t do it.” Gavin raised his hands to his face. For a brief moment, he felt like _crying_. His chest was tight as emotions ran rife through his body, but with what little courage he had, Gavin dragged his hands away from his eyes and turned to face her. “You _know_ why I couldn’t do it Meg.”

She didn’t even hesitate.

“Michael?”

“Exactly.” He sighed. “It didn’t feel right- cause all I could think was… _what would Michael say if he knew? Would Michael want to ever be with me like this? Does Michael kiss like this?”_

“Gav. I love you, but you’re an idiot.” Meg reached across and stroked his hair gently. “Dylan’s a _good_ guy but it’s not fair being with him when you’re in love with someone else.”

“I know. I was just hoping I’d like Dylan so much I’d forget all about Michael but it didn’t work. Dylan is so lovely… but I just don’t feel for him like I feel for Michael.” Admitting it only made his chest tighter, and Gavin pushed his hands back into his face in an effort to stop himself from wailing like a pathetic child. “I’m a _mess_.” He groaned.

“You’re not a mess.” Meg smiled at him. “You’re in _love_.”

“I am a bloody mess!” Gavin forced himself to laugh. “I don’t know what to do!”

“Tell Michael!”

“Alright, so maybe I do know!” he scoffed. “But I don’t want to- cause I’m still scared because he’s so obviously not gay it can only go badly.”

Meg shrugged, and wriggled into a more upright position. “Not necessarily.” She said. “He could still be bi- I’ve got a theory.”

“-no he isn’t.” Gavin rested a hand over his chest, and the drumming of his heart matched the whirling emotion he felt in his gut and his mind. “Michael likes girls. Always has.”

“Gavin, not everyone _knows_ they’re gay from the moment they can walk and talk like you. Some of us don’t realise these things till way later in life. Some people never realise. It isn’t impossible.”

“Whatever.” Gavin huffed. The last thing he needed was to fill himself with something as stupid as _hope_. “I need to talk to Dylan first at least, don’t I? I need to break up with him.”

As he sat up, Meg patted his back and then hugged him tightly. “I think that would be for the best.” She said quietly. “I’m sorry Gav. For all our sakes, I really hope all this works out for everyone.”

Before he could reply, a loud clatter was heard from downstairs, followed by shout.

“Meg!” Ryan hollered. “I think I may have broken the coffee table! But don’t get mad- I can fix it, I swear!”


	6. How to be really, really done with lying and really, really ready for whatever comes next.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter - finally considering everyone's excellent advice, Gavin makes a big decision. Michael surprises him in more ways than one.

A few days off school was necessary to clear his head. Griffon called them “Mental-Health days” and was happy to inform the school that Gavin would be absent for a few days and all his work could easily be emailed over to him to catch up on. Then, she stayed home with him (she was home most days now, as she made the slow transition to chainsaw carving full time) and was happy to sit around watching stupid reality shows or movies on Netflix as Gavin quietly thought over his options.

He had already decided breaking up with Dylan was a given. Meg had helped make that very clear to him, and although it was going to be hard, Gavin knew he had to do it. The only part he was unsure of would be telling Dylan his reasoning. After all, what if Dylan was mad? What if he told everyone- or worse told _Michael_ that Gavin had been lying to his lovely face their entire friendship?

Michael had been worryingly texting him the entirety of his absence, but Gavin had lied easily and said he had a stomach bug. Michael promised to come over and visit with hot soup, but Gavin managed to ward him off with graphic details of his extensive vomiting.

“Practically a quarantine.” He said over the phone, throwing in a few fake coughs for good measure. “Geoff won’t even sit beside me on the couch. Very contagious, Doctor Monroe said. I should be over it in a few days.”

Dylan was texting him too, but rather than making excuses, Gavin was flat out ignoring them. He usually found running from his problems much easier, but he could see as the texts reduced in frequency that Dylan was growing more and more annoyed with him

So Gavin took another day, and then it was Saturday. He spent most Saturday’s with Dylan, and had been surprised to wake up to a text from his boyfriend asking if they were still on for the day. Dylan was set to arrive at noon, so at eleven o’clock Gavin dragged himself reluctantly from his bed and wandered into the shower. Geoff caught him just as he was descending the stairs, and shot him a pitiful smile.

“You know, no matter what happens we’ll still love you. Even if Michael doesn’t. And, if Michael doesn’t- he’s an idiot.” He said. Gavin just gave him a small smile. He assumed that Geoff thought he was being helpful, but it only made the sinking feeling in his chest grow heavier. By the time he slipped into the passenger side of Dylan’s car, he felt physically queasy.

“Hey.” Dylan said quietly, thrumming his fingers against the wheel as Gavin adjusted his seatbelt. “You okay?

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just had a stomach bug.” Gavin lied surprisingly smoothly. “I’m ok now. What’s the plans?”

“Well, that was what I wanted to talk to you about.” Dylan rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as they pulled out of the street. “I, uh, I think we need to talk, Gav. Do you mind if we just kind of park up somewhere and talk?”

“Sure.” Gavin sat up a little stiffly. “I… I wanted to talk to you too.”

“Here’s fine.” Dylan pulled the car to a stop. They were only a few blocks from Gavin’s house, but it was a secluded enough area. Dylan removed his seatbelt, and turned to face his boyfriend.

“Look, Gav.” Dylan sighed. “I really like you and I didn’t want things to just… _go_ like this but-”

Gavin interrupted. “Are you breaking up with me?!” he asked. There was a tense pause, but eventually, Dylan nodded. “I am so sorry Gav. But… I just don’t think you’re that into me. Am I crazy to say that? Tell me I’m fucking crazy, cause I’ve been losing my mind over this for a week!”

Gavin bit his lip. His mind was split into two. On one hand it would probably be far easier to pretend like Dylan had broken his heart and dumped him. That would surely make things less complicated- but then didn’t he owe Dylan more than that?

His first ever real boyfriend. _Lovely,_ kind Dylan. And he’d repaid him by being in love with someone else the entire time.

“No.” Gavin said softly, staring into his lap. “You’re not crazy. You’re right.”

“I don’t want to be the asshole here, Gavin.” Dylan leant back in his seat, and he genuinely looked sad. Gavin’s heart twitched, as the faintest sheen of tears shone in Dylan’s eyes. “I don’t want you to think I don’t like you because you didn’t want to, like, have sex or anything like that. I just don’t think you’re giving me anything back that’s _real_.”

“You’re right.” Gavin repeated. “I’m so sorry Dylan. You’re lovely… but I’ve been in love with someone else since I was fourteen. No prizes for guessing who.”

“It’s fine.” Dylan smiled. “I think everyone knows except for him by now. You two really should try and make it work.”

Gavin nodded. “I think I will.” He said quietly. Then, he leant over and kissed Dylan softly on the cheek. “Thanks for everything, Dyl. You really were a good boyfriend. You’ll make someone else very lucky one day.”

“I can drop you home if you want.” Dylan offered. “We’re only a few blocks away.”

“It’s fine,” Gavin shook his head, unclipping his seatbelt and cracking open the car door. “Michael’s house is only around the corner. If I don’t go and talk to him now, I don’t know if I ever will.”

“Good luck.” Dylan replied. Gavin smiled at him, and then closed the door gently. He watched Dylan’s car pull out, and then round the corner, driving away. He was thankful that Dylan had already made it to the end of the street before the tears began to fall against his cheeks.

Immediately, Gavin picked up his phone and started texting.

 

_To: Michael_

_I’m coming over. We need to talk._

* * *

 

 

 

Michael’s face fell when he opened the door to see Gavin, stood in the front porch, tear tracks making his cheeks shine.

“Gav!” He reached forwards in a panic, pulling Gavin inside and hugging him tightly. “Shit. Come upstairs.”

“Michael, is that Gavin?” Michael’s mother could be heard calling from the dining room. Michael pulled out of the embrace and instead grabbed Gavin’s hand, before slamming the front door closed and hollering back: “Yeah, ma! We’re going upstairs so, you know, don’t wait up.”

“Hi Gavin!” she called regardless. Shakily, Gavin called back a feeble attempt at _hello_ before Michael yanked him by the hand, pulling Gavin along in a rush behind him as he darted up the stairs, and into his bedroom. The door clicked shut behind them and Gavin felt Michael’s hand slip from his.

“Well?” he asked, short of breath. “What’s wrong?”

“I…” Gavin trailed off, looking away from Michael, out of the window. This would probably be a bit easier if he didn’t have to look his best friend in the eyes right after his confession. “Dylan, he- we broke up.” He said. “He dumped me.”

Michael looked at Gavin, frozen in complete shock. His brow was curled into a slight frown, as if he couldn’t quite understand what it was being said. Then, after a few moments where the realisation must’ve dawned, he saw _red_.

“That fucking _asshole_.” Michael snarled, pacing the room angrily as Gavin perched on the edge of the bed. “I knew it Gav- I’m sorry but I fucking _knew_ he was a fucking _asshole_ from the moment I laid eyes on him. Like, where did Ray even _meet_ him?”

Gavin had already detached himself from the situation. Dylan had dumped him, and that was sad, but it wasn’t the reason he’d shown up at the Jones residence. “I think they met in detention?” he mumbled, wiping away the lingering tears with the sleeve of his hoodie. Michael screwed his face up in disgust.

“Well, that’s fucking why. Who sets their friends up with some asshole they met in _detention_?”

“It wasn’t- it was mutual, sort of.” Gavin ignored the question. “He dumped me but… I was thinking about ending things with him anyway. I wasn’t happy and… I don’t know, I think he just saw that.”

“Don’t give him the benefit of the fucking doubt like that, Gavin,” Michael sat down on the bed, and pit his arm around Gavin’s shoulder, effectively pulling him into a close hug. “Dude didn’t deserve you for a second. He’s an _asshole_.”

Gavin’s voice was flat and unfeeling. “No, he’s not.”

“Be honest with me Gav-” Michael didn’t seem to hear. “-was it like… a hit it and quit it thing or-”

“No!” Gavin sat up, moving out of Michael’s embrace. “No, god no. No way!” he repeated, as Michael stared at him with pity and rage in his eyes. “I didn’t… me and Dylan never… _did_ anything.” He said.

“Well- that’s even worse!” Michael exclaimed. “Dumping you cause you didn’t put out like some fuckin’… _slut_ or whatever.”

Gavin sighed. He liked to joke that Michael was oblivious, or dumb, or an idiot- but he also liked to think that it wasn’t really true. That maybe Michael just pretended like he couldn’t see what was right in front of him. However, in the ten minutes or so they had been talking, he hadn’t taken a single step further in figuring out what was so clearly laid in front of him.

“It wasn’t like that either Michael.” He said quietly, staring down at the floor as he wriggled out of his friends suffocating embrace. He could feel Michael’s eyes, staring at him as he did so, taking in his posture and frowning like he was trying to solve the pieces of a complex puzzle. Gavin took a deep breath in, and for a second, thought of Geoff and his words of wisdom.

“Dylan dumped me cause… he knew I was in love with someone else.” He said, bravely.

Michael stiffened. “Wait- what? Someone _else_?”

“Yeah.” Gavin nodded, clasping his hands together tightly. He sniffed. Now wasn’t the time for tears. It was the time for truths. “I’m in love with another boy. Have been for a long, _long_ time.”

“Well... _who_?” Michael demanded. “ _Who_ is he? Do I know him?”

Gavin resisted the urge to laugh at the absurdity of Michael’s complete blindness. “Uh, yeah.” He lifted his head up and shrugged. “I guess you know him pretty well.”

“What- is it _Ray_?” Michael frowned. “’Cause… I was speaking to him the other night and it kinda sounded like he was sort of hinting that he was gay too.”

At that, Gavin had to laugh out loud.

“No- it’s not bloody _Ray!_ Ha!” he shoved Michael’s shoulder gently. “I mean, he is pretty… not straight though. Turns out before he set me up with Dylan he’d already shagged him. And bloody _Ryan_ once, apparently? Who saw that coming, right?”

“What- _really_?”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter right now.” Gavin shook his head, reminding himself what he was supposed to be focusing on. “I’m not in love with Ray.”

Michael’s shoulders slumped in defeat. Gavin looked down at the way Michael’s leg pressed against his perfectly, running in a lie from thigh to knee. He was going to miss little things like this. He wasn’t sure if Michael would really want to be so close afterwards.

“Well then who is it?” he asked again. Gavin exhaled a long breath.

“Well... it’s _you_.” He finally, _finally_ , admitted. “Innit?”

Michael was instantly dumbfounded. “I… uh- _what_?” he spluttered. Gavin let a small, downtrodden smile cross his lips. Despite whatever consequences he’d have to face, it was the biggest relief he’d ever felt the moment he’d said it. He felt more relieved than he had even when he’d worked up the courage to _come out_ to Michael. Finally, he understood the stupid old quote that Geoff so often parroted. _The truth will set you free_. And it really had. For one, pure second, before Michael had opened his big mouth and ruined it, he’d felt complete _bliss_.

“ _You_ , Michael.” He repeated, laughing slightly. “It’s _you_. It’s always been you, you absolute dunce.”

Michael shook his head. “I don’t understand?”

“This whole time I wasn’t hiding the fact that I was gay from you, Michael.” Gavin explained, turning his head and finally looking his best friend in the eyes. “I was just hiding the fact that I’m in love with you and have been forever.”

“Gavin-”

“No look, let me finish.” Gavin stood up then, and turned so he was facing Michael, who remained completely frozen on the bed. “I _know_ you’re straight and you probably hate my guts right now. And after this you can… throw me out of your house and never speak to me again if that’s what you want but… I thought you at least deserved to know that every single day I wake up in the morning and you are the first person I think about and the last person I think of when I go to sleep.” Michael opened his mouth like he wanted to interject, but Gavin couldn’t let him. Surprisingly, once he’d started, he couldn’t bear to stop and the words kept rolling and spinning, pouring from his brain directly out of his mouth without a second spared for processing. If this was truly the last time he ever got to look at Michael without a painful memory of rejection, he was going to have to make the most of it. “I’ve just got so… _much_ stuff in my head about you Michael!” he continued, touching his temples briefly as he got up and paced the floor. “All your little patches of freckles and your dimples and curls and your favourite games and the way you only eat fried eggs if the yolk is cooked and you can _never_ watch the series finale of _friends_ without tearing up even though you say it’s the dumbest show _ever_. I love so many things about you! Like, how you manage to sleep through every bloody alarm you have but that night at five am when I woke up from a nightmare you shot out of bed and stayed up with me until I went back to sleep…” at that memory, he laughed fondly. He had so many moments like that with Michael. There were so many parts and days and nights that he’d never be able to forget, no matter how far apart they might grow. “-and how when I was sick and couldn’t go, you went to the Minecraft convention with Lindsay and all you brought back was matching necklaces for us. And how still- after how much of a shit friend I’ve been trying to keep my distance from you in favour of trying to love Dylan you were here on the doorstep the second I called you and said I needed you. I _love_ you Michael and I’m so sorry that it had to come out like this but I’m _done_ keeping it all bottled up inside.” Gavin hadn’t noticed he was close to tears until then, when on the last word, he choked and his voice shook as he dared to look back over to the boy he’d finally poured his heart out too. Michael was still completely frozen, and most devastatingly so, silent. His mouth was still hung agape in shock. “And...” Gavin sniffed. “-if you want me to leave then… I will.” He turned to grab the door handle, ready to bolt from the house and run all the way home into Geoff’s waiting arms. He’d tell himself that Michael’s rejection didn’t matter- because he finally got it all off his chest and he didn’t have to lie any more. Maybe that would be a lie, but it would tide him over, for a while. And then, maybe in a few months, things would get better again. Gavin stepped one foot out of the door.

Before he could make it any further, he felt himself be pulled back. Gavin turned and came face to face with Michael, who was stood in front of him with his arm in a tight grip.

Gavin tried to shrug him off. “Look, I said I’m sorry-”

“Just _wait_ a second Gavin.” Michael cut him off abruptly, and Gavin stopped trying to pull away. Michael looked up at him shyly. Gavin had never seen Michael be shy in all his life.

“Did you really… _mean_ all those things?” he asked, shifting from foot to foot nervously. Gavin frowned, but nodded. “All of it?”

“Of course.” He nodded again. “Every last one.”

“Okay…” It was Michael’s turn to nod, and he released Gavin’s arm completely. Then, he took a step or two back, and reached across himself to hold his own arm awkwardly. “Good.” He said.

Gavin frowned. “ _Good_?” he questioned.

“Yeah!” Michael was still nodding, grip on his own elbow uncomfortably tight as he continued to walk backwards, until his knees hit the bed and he couldn’t retreat any more. Michael was _nervous_ , Gavin quickly realised. That hadn’t been near to the reaction he was expecting. Michael looked up at the ceiling. “’Cause like… uh… weird timing- but I guess I sort of have something I wanna tell you, Gav.”

“What is it?” Gavin dared to step forwards, suddenly filled with concern. Because Michael was _serious_. He wasn’t fucking around- something really was on his mind, and regardless of anything, Gavin had promised himself that he would still always be there if Michael needed him, no matter what happened between them. “You can tell me anything, Michael.” He walked over as Michael sat on the bed, and touched his upper arm gently.

“I know, I wanted to talk to you first.” Michael nodded for him to sit down, and Gavin did, just beside him but not touching. “It’s just… when I was talking to Ray the other day it got me thinking like… you being gay and how sometimes everyone gets confused by their like… feelings and shit. And that’s okay, cause they have someone they can confide in, right?”

“Yeah…” Gavin nodded again, but found that he was feeling more uncertain in the gesture than ever before. “Where’s this going, Michael?”

Michael sighed. “I… uh- I was thinking about Lindsay and how I thought I really liked her and then when I kissed her it just felt… wrong, you know?” he was looking out straight ahead, at nothing in particular, but Gavin found that he couldn’t keep his own eyes off Michael. “Like when Meg kissed you-”     

“Michael-”

“-And then Dylan! I was so fucking jealous of him being with you I was losing my mind! Like, I hated him for no reason but now…” he trailed off, resting his head in his hands briefly before finally turning to look at Gavin. “I think I get it.”

“What are you saying?” Gavin’s voice was barely whisper. Michael smiled at him.

“Sorry. My timing is awful but I guess what I’m trying to say is that... I’m sorta clad you came out with all this now Gav. Cause… I think I might be sort of… maybe… gay? And I sort of think I… have a _crush_ on you too.”

Gavin stared at Michael for a few silent moments. His best friend had already looked away, but he’d seen enough. Michael looked _small_ , for once. He was curled up, arms resting on his knees and face between his hands as he looked down at the floor. For once, Michael was insecure rather than him. Gavin felt silly. He’d spent all this time worrying and fretting about a silly little confession- and meanwhile there had been Michael, _his_ Michael, struggling with possibly the biggest identity crisis a boy could have.

He hadn’t been there. He hadn’t even given Michael’s erratic behaviour a second thought.

Slowly, Gavin reached over and took Michael’s hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Michael sat up and looked at him with glossy eyes. Gavin smiled.

“Look, anything you ever want to talk about anything… I’m here.” He promised. “Geoff and griffon too- they’re great with this kind of thing. They really helped me out when it needed it, and-”

He was cut off abruptly, as Michael tugged him forwards and pushed his lips against Gavin’s. he was surprised for a few seconds, unresponsive, but Michael didn’t seem to let it faze him. He just squeezed Gavin’s hand slightly, and it brought him to life. Gavin kissed back, savoured every single brush of Michael’s lips against his. He’d thought about it for so long- _dreamed_ about it even- but no fantasy was even close to the real thing.

Michael kissed like a _husband_ rather than a desperate, teenage boy. Michael kissed soft and gentle and cupped Gavin’s face in one hand as he did so. When he pulled away, Gavin felt his body shift forwards unconsciously, trying to chase the indescribable taste of his lips. He’d barely had one hit, but like a junkie, he felt addicted.

Michael’s pretty brown eyes were blown, lips wet and cheeks flushed. He looked _beautiful_.

“Yup so… I’m definitely gay.” he nodded. Gavin grinned, and leant forwards to hug him tightly. Michael wrapped his hands around the small of Gavin’s back and with his arms around Michael’s shoulders, Gavin pulled him even closer.

“Cool.” His voice was muffled slightly by Michael’s shoulder. When he pulled away, Michael’s hands didn’t move from his waist. “Me too, and I’m definitely still in love with you, Michael.”

“Good.” Michael grinned back. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this fic- if you liked it, and want more, there's plenty more on my AO3 and also you can check me out on tumblr : PAPERSK1N@tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy, and updates will be every Monday!


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